Exhaustion (a.k.a. Compassion Fatigue )

Sunsets and Car Crashes Sunsets and Car Crashes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is dedicated to @rainbow, who I hope will write more about compassion fatigue.

Caregiving is "sometimes too much of a challenge" to the point that my feelings are buried and "I’m so tired and when I think of all the tasks I have besides (my parents') care, I feel like I have no more strength to go on. But I have to... dealing with trauma and also having to care-give simultaneously. The trauma is enough."

Now I have the guts to say I'm dealing with PTSD and depression and I've chosen to be a caregiver to Mom and Dad. Compound stressors have caused my body to be in survival mode for so long that it doesn't remember how release emotions. I see Mom's decline every day and hear things like Mom saying. "It wasn't me" who wet the bed or Dad doesn't remember what he said. I'm cooking dinner in the middle of sundowning.

It's exhausting. My body collapsed about an hour ago and then once again there was a need for compassion so I came here. I think part of the reason for not crying is that I'm in an environment where I don't have the human touch of someone's shoulders to cry on.

So I feel alone. But I must go on because the choice of not going on is not an option for me.

I've been wanting to use this picture of "Sunsets and Car Crashes" because that's exactly what I feel like I'm in: a Car Crash in the middle of a Sunset.

Always, il

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