EXTREME Caregiving Day 3: Taking Care of Me

Hansolosgirl
silhouette-251693_640(1)My mom tossed me out of SIL's room. lol! Mom is my hero! Forcing me to really take my down time seriously! I think I can see myself again. I feel a little bit of me. Got out with hubby for awhile and did some junk-store shopping. Breaking away from the hovering over my SIL is extremely difficult. She was up again several times in the night and hallucinating about her ex being here and bringing children. Mom did not let me go to her, she took care of it! Realizing I hadn't had a break in three months because even while she was in hospital I was there, even studying in the room. Hospital I do all because I'm the one who knows it all and medications and intricacies of each of her conditions. Moms always been the back-up caregiver while I'm at school two days a week

SIL is having a fit. I told her what was happening before, explained she was getting better and it was time to get back to life. Maybe that was a mistake. But I know she's more 'with it' lol because she's throwing tantrums! When she was sicker I don't know she would have noticed honestly. I can see more clearly her real needs and not being at her beck-and-call always and EVERYTHING else being on the back burner. Hospice team totally on board, they said we HAVE to regain balance and set even more boundaries.

That said, it's still very hard. But I've been sleeping in my room again and getting more than four hours of sleep, not walking around like a zombie and unavailable to hubby and the kids. :) lol In fact they are all over me like puppies. hahaha

l have always said SIL watches "House," the TV show, too much. lol She always gets the weirdest illnesses in combination with other illnesses that have nothing to do with the other. Her reactions and symptoms are always the rarest of the rare. Ten days after she came home on hospice she really went down, she was using diapers, we were having to bed bathe her, had to spoon feed her, had to roll her back n forth to change bedding, she had to be awoken by rubbing her sternum with your knuckles. Medications had to be crushed and given with medicne dropper. The hospice nurse told me later he thought maybe she had days. But she woke up! Her body is rebounding but her mind is still roller coaster, personality is not where it once was at all. She knows us and her dogs (dogs at least let her know she's not in the hospital). Hospice says this does NOT happen but it did with her!

It's sad because she's always been super intelligent and every day is different with her. It is the heptatic encephalopathy with her liver, she goes between slurring and incoherent to regular speech. Medications affect everything. Today she was shocked we were here, she thought she still lived with her husband. Yesterday she wanted to go buy pants because he was going to pick her up. She hasn't even seen that jerk for six years, hasn't lived with him in 11. Day to day, it's an absolute different person. Sometimes after a nap it's a big change! This makes having a life extremely difficult but press on we must. I'm prepared for her to be with us a week or a month or a year.

Thanks for the read and again thanks for allowing me to vent. I can't say enough how much this helps!

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