EXTREME Caregiving Day 3: Taking Care of Me

Hansolosgirl

EXTREME Caregiving Day 3: Taking Care of Me

Hansolosgirl
silhouette-251693_640(1)My mom tossed me out of SIL's room. lol! Mom is my hero! Forcing me to really take my down time seriously! I think I can see myself again. I feel a little bit of me. Got out with hubby for awhile and did some junk-store shopping. Breaking away from the hovering over my SIL is extremely difficult. She was up again several times in the night and hallucinating about her ex being here and bringing children. Mom did not let me go to her, she took care of it! Realizing I hadn't had a break in three months because even while she was in hospital I was there, even studying in the room. Hospital I do all because I'm the one who knows it all and medications and intricacies of each of her conditions. Moms always been the back-up caregiver while I'm at school two days a week

SIL is having a fit. I told her what was happening before, explained she was getting better and it was time to get back to life. Maybe that was a mistake. But I know she's more 'with it' lol because she's throwing tantrums! When she was sicker I don't know she would have noticed honestly. I can see more clearly her real needs and not being at her beck-and-call always and EVERYTHING else being on the back burner. Hospice team totally on board, they said we HAVE to regain balance and set even more boundaries.

That said, it's still very hard. But I've been sleeping in my room again and getting more than four hours of sleep, not walking around like a zombie and unavailable to hubby and the kids. :) lol In fact they are all over me like puppies. hahaha

l have always said SIL watches "House," the TV show, too much. lol She always gets the weirdest illnesses in combination with other illnesses that have nothing to do with the other. Her reactions and symptoms are always the rarest of the rare. Ten days after she came home on hospice she really went down, she was using diapers, we were having to bed bathe her, had to spoon feed her, had to roll her back n forth to change bedding, she had to be awoken by rubbing her sternum with your knuckles. Medications had to be crushed and given with medicne dropper. The hospice nurse told me later he thought maybe she had days. But she woke up! Her body is rebounding but her mind is still roller coaster, personality is not where it once was at all. She knows us and her dogs (dogs at least let her know she's not in the hospital). Hospice says this does NOT happen but it did with her!

It's sad because she's always been super intelligent and every day is different with her. It is the heptatic encephalopathy with her liver, she goes between slurring and incoherent to regular speech. Medications affect everything. Today she was shocked we were here, she thought she still lived with her husband. Yesterday she wanted to go buy pants because he was going to pick her up. She hasn't even seen that jerk for six years, hasn't lived with him in 11. Day to day, it's an absolute different person. Sometimes after a nap it's a big change! This makes having a life extremely difficult but press on we must. I'm prepared for her to be with us a week or a month or a year.

Thanks for the read and again thanks for allowing me to vent. I can't say enough how much this helps!

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Denise

Hi HSG-It's so hard to not hover!! It's so hard to trust that all will be okay even as we know all is going toward the end.\r\n\r\nYour mom sounds awesome! We all need someone like your mom in our lives. :)\r\n\r\nHoping all goes okay today.

Hansolosgirl

<a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/mariakeil/' rel=\"nofollow\">@mariakeil</a> oh yeah, I believe it totally! Once they gave her kadian, a pain killer and she went off the wall! Madness. Dr are so human and some act like they know everything...NOT ! I trust no one, I look it all up period. Like now, SIL shouldn't even be here according to them. It's nuts, today she was 'there' too so hopefully I can keep up the balance awhile...until her liver doesn't want to cooperate again.

Maria

Love your Mom!1She is definitely a hero to me!'I have to share something about weird reactions to medicine-I had a steroid shot in my left eye 8 years ago as I had had a blood vessel burst in that eye. About a week after getting the shot I broke out in hives &amp; was miserable. Naturally I thought it was from the steroid shot. Evert doctor that I saw about this said that you don't brake out in hives from a steroid shot. Well, I've not broken out in hives since and hadn't done that before that!

Hansolosgirl

<a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/janshriver/' rel=\"nofollow\">@janshriver</a> oh I had no real idea of the situation until I steped back and started writing like a mad woman. Put things in perspective. Today it was hard to leave for school because she was all there....but I have to continue on, I waited too long to return to school th give up now! I told her this isn't an END, for her this is just another change to keep her out of the hospital knowing no more invasive procedures. She's pulled miracles before so we just ride it out :) we can't know, espically with her! I've got to block the channel that plays house for sure!

jan

I'm really glad you have your Mom, your husband, your family, your success in school, your new and better house, your soul, your humor after all the intense caregiving you have done. The constant unpredictability of your day is quite confounding. It only reinforces the fact that we simply don't have a clue, really, how the human brain works; how one minute your SIL can \"have days left\" and then rebound. I wish you all the best in your coping with the unpredictability of it. I'll throw in a little Cheech and Chong Magic Dust if it helps.