EXTREME Caregiving: Holding Pattern


EXTREME Caregiving: Holding Pattern

spring-276014_640It has come to the point in my SIL's care that this time she will not bounce back as we had hoped. Hospice has increased to daily This is comfort care and we have decided we will keep her home, where she is safe and surrounded by people who love her.

Each moment is an eternity. When minutes have passed it seems like hours. She is comfortable, I have wax melts burning in her room, her dogs have mostly been with her, the little one curled in her lap. Sunshine is streaming through her window. I have the baseball game on, she always enjoyed hearing my mom watch sports, the cheers and people seem comforting to her. I have the fan going, it seems to cover the noise of the oxygen machine. I rub her skin with her nice scented lotion. We are telling her she is loved. Her lifelong best friend came to see her as well as her daughter came to see her; the daughter is with her now.

These moments too are precious, bringing me back to when we did this for my grandparents and my dad, my sister and mother-in-law. It is so much better at home when they can be surrounded by their own things and even have their pets present. There is nothing clinical, it's home. I've held hands with so many of my loved ones as they've passed on and at home is by far preferable for us as caregivers as well as those we care for. If not, like for my dad, I brought home to him, I brought his stuff, and made sure to bring room spray and something scented. It matters.

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Those days, waiting, the holding pattern, they are so surreal--time crawls. I remember counting breaths, watching the clock, is this the last breath? Thinking of you. You are doing a wonderful thing.


You are doing such a lovely job with the holding pattern. Such an odd place to be and yet such a treasured space. \r\n\r\nThinking of you all. I'm so glad you keep us posted. Let us know how you're doing as you can.


What a beautiful blog! You have done a wonderful job taking care of her. Thinking of you & sending you lots of hugs & prayers!\r\nMaria