EXTREME Caregiving: The Saga Continues


EXTREME Caregiving: The Saga Continues

mountain-595091_640Definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. SIL physical condition continues to improve beyond all expectations but good God, any reasonable behavior is sorely lacking!

Mom and I had a baby shower to go to and left SIL with a trusted babysitter while my son was also home. Far be it for us to think Mom and I could leave the house together for four hours! SIL caused a ruckus the whole time we were gone though the last few days shed slept the afternoon away. Took off all her clothes, pooped on the floor nowhere near where she usually is, then refused to to take off dirty shorts. Babysitter was in constant contact with me and SIL knew so she continued on. When I got home, tell me why SIL was on the floor!? I was 10 minutes away. I looked around thinking she'd fallen but soon realized there was no fall, she was perfectly centered on a soft cushy rug with a pillow under her head! Babysitter had left her side less than seven minutes. Quite obviously SIL wanted me home. I stood there and let her get herself up, which she did with very little assistance.

Yet again we have the talk about her behavior, how she must stop this stupid stuff, how we are all tired and need a break. Again we run down how we are just trying to help, we don't HAVE to do this. Blah, blah, blah.

It was Mom's morning to give medication. Mom comes in at 8 to find SIL standing in the doorway on a step stool and a big fresh bruise on her shoulder. I'd made sure she was fine at 2 a.m., all tucked in cozy. What is with these magical powers that we hear nothing? We have a baby monitor. Next month, we're springing for a video monitor.

Spend the morning again discussing why she can't do what she wants, why the safety measures, that if she breaks a hip she's going to the nursing home, how the potty accidents and medications and none of it are a problem but her trying to kill herself IS. SHES SORRY, SHE WONT DO IT AGAIN, she wants to live here with us. Same, same, same.

Talking isn't working, door helps. Everyone is exhausted, tensions are heavy. Lol Who knew the miracle of SIL getting better would be so exhausting? At each step of this journey spanning over four years I thought okay, this is bad but I can handle it. Hospitalization nightmares, medication woes, specialists, moronic doctors--all a nightmare in one way or another. Yet her mind being partially lost is the most trying of them all. Repeating and explaining the same things is heartbreaking as well as frustrating. She answers appropriately. When I ask why now she says, "I was being stupid as well as disrespectful." Well, wow, she can say those words, yet repeat the same behavior? Still hallucinating people, her family, but none who've passed, current people she hasn't seen in years and years. I'm rolling with it, but this is so HARD. I had three kids under four years old and I was a stay-at-home mom. I was support caregiver to four grandparents, my mother-in-law and my dad. This is harder. My dad and one grandma had brain tumors and the personality shift and behavior was nowhere as great. None of her nurses have experience with heptactic encephalopathy, only her social worker and this is still strange to him.

I'm on my toes, doing the best I can with the situation. While today I'm hopeful as she's been calm, tomorrow can bring with it more challenges. Perhaps she will juggle knives? Nail a landing of a triple somersault off her hospital bed? Maybe she will move all her furniture Jenga-style on the middle of her bed and trap herself within. None would surprise me at this point! Then she will say she's sorry, she's being stupid, and it's disrespectful with all the sincerity in the world looking at me with her bright blue eyes!

Thanks for the read and allowing me to vent! I love the comments. The support helps so much!

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<a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/shirl/' rel=\"nofollow\">@shirl</a> see my blog on doctors doctors &amp; more doctors! Omg it's not only you, did they all get degrees on the Cayman islands? I didn't know you could be a dr. With a 2.0 GPA. Sheesh !


I was so pleased to see the term \"moronic doctors\", as I thought at one time I was just being really picky. It seemed all the medical staff who were supposed to help made the nightmare worse. Some of the doctors made me wonder how they got a degree. My Mom was a \"handful\", but sadly as she has declined it has become so much easier. It is mostly feeding, bathing, turning, and never-ending laundry. ...and feelings of sadness with each stage of her deterioration. \r\n In the past there were so many challenges I thought I would need Zoloft to cope. But, there were also those priceless memories. I think they want attention so badly that they act out. Hansolosgirl , sometimes there can be some really good moths or days, and I sure hope you have some of those. I have been at this 13+ years, and either I have mellowed or it has gotten easier. You seem to have great patience and dedication.


Hansolosgirl, you continue to amaze me with your patience. . . and tenacity to stick with a situation!!! You have my prayers and support for whatever you need! Please keep writing since we all need to know how crazy caregiving can be and it sure makes my life sound boring. I can be thankful for that! I think you and your mom deserve a free CareGiver's Appreciation Cruise donated by the social worker. I would love to join you on the cruise after my caregiving adventure has ended! I continue to laugh and/or cry with you!


You have your hands full and then some. At least I can reason with my caree - well, most of the time :)