Finding out bad news

Katy

Finding out bad news

Katy
Tonight I found out with my father in law that the mass in his left lung has gotten bigger. He’s had a chronic cough for close to three months. We have tried everything. Primary care doctor couldn’t figure it out. In May the mass was very small. We went to ER because he was so miserable and CAT scan scheduled for almost a month off. It was time to find out what was going on for us. We did. And tomorrow we will talk to oncologist about how much it’s grown and what to do. My FIL is not strong enough for much.

I am floored. I knew the lymphoma would come back. I just was not ready. Who is? All the complaining I have done means nothing now. I didn’t know what to do so I stayed by his side til he went to bed. I know tomorrow I have to be strong for everyone. That’s what I do.

But tonight I want to cry. He’s my best friend. His influence has changed my life. I don’t want to see him go through all the pain and suffering. This last year has been a series  of getting sick then getting a little better just to get even sicker next time.

Cancer is a bitch. Why do such wonderful people have to suffer through this illness. I guess that’s a question that gets asked often. This is so new to me. I need to learn to cope and be strong and know what to expect so it’s not the biggest slap in the face but only a medium sized one. Praying for all the patients and caregivers. Dealing with this is not easy.

Kathleen

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Denise

I am so sorry, Katy. It does suck. \r\n\r\nYour presence with him is doing so much for him. We worry that we're not doing enough when being fully present with someone during a horrible time is so much more than enough.\r\n\r\nI'm so glad you let us know and shared with us. Please keep us posted as you can.

Lark

Katy, I appreciate your honesty about how you feel and what your concerns are about handling this situation with strength and courage. I identified so much with you because I have the same responses to my husband losing ground with his dementia and he knows he is losing ground. It seems so cruel to get to a place where there is nothing that can be done and to know it. When I think of how my husband is feeling at this time I feel so helpless and the sorrow of it overwhelms me. Sharing here helps so much. Sharing with others who are my friends and mentors helps me. I don't have any easy answers. I suspect I will win some days and lose on other days. Thank you for being here and please post as you walk this out with your family. I promise to do the same. Much love and respect, friend.