Free at Last!

Sharon

Free at Last!

Sharon
grain-848514_640Some of you might have read my post about my brother, but I will briefly tell those who did not see it. I live in Atlanta area and my brother lives in Ft. Lauderdale area. My parents moved to Atlanta area when Mom got sick and they needed 24/7 care. I was not moving back to Florida and my brother was not taking them in and assisted living was out of their price range, so they moved here. My Dad passed away two months later. My mom continued to live in an independent living center for 1.5 years after he died, until she had small strokes and then moved in with us two years ago. They moved here November 2011.

My brother has never been to visit, even when Dad died. I always kept him in the loop, told him about health issues, etc. but he never came. I took Mom there last year to visit the grandkids.

Recently, I took a caregiver class and family meetings were discussed. I knew he would not jump at the chance to help, but I wanted a meeting to get everything on the table. I approached him and told him the subjects would be, what happens if something happens to me and how can I get a couple weeks of respite. Well, I got the nastiest email saying he has no intention of helping me in any way as I was the one who let her move in and should have known it was not easy. So basically I made my bed, so lie in it. We won't mention that her finances do not support her being anywhere 24/7 with assistance.

That email set me free. I wrote back and said, OK, thanks for the input, we will take care of it from here. I now feel I can move on and make any decision I chose with no input from him, at all. I always felt I had some sort of obligation to keep him informed. That feeling has left. I feel very happy knowing where we stand, once and for all.

I have no guilt, no regrets and no sympathy for him. I am free. I can now make Mom's life as happy as I can for as long as I can without his input. Life is good. It somehow lifted a weight to have him put it in black and white that he has no intention of doing anything at anytime for her or me. I am glad I pushed the issue and got the closure that set me free.

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Denise

Good for you, Sharon!! You not only give yourself freedom today but you also bought yourself peace of mind in the future. Some day, your brother's guilt will shackle him to his past.

Hussy

You can be related to someone but that doesn't automatically make them family. I know. I'm so glad you got the closure you needed. Your mother has a wonderful daughter.

Mary1072

It's really hard when a beloved sibling turns into a stranger just when you and your caree need help and support the most!

Sharon

Thanks, Cathy

Sharon

Thanks, Pegi

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