Graduation Joy and Sadness

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Graduation Joy and Sadness

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glasses-139231_640This past Friday my daughter graduated from high school. I called my dad a month in advance to let him know when and maybe make plans to be there. The weekend previous -- the Mother's Day debacle -- I reminded him, and asked if he thought they might be there. Or just him, if he would get someone to watch Mom. Your only granddaughter is graduating with honors! C'mon, at least try!

He was noncommittal, and I went home.

The following week I told my daughter that while her Mamaw and Papaw -- Hubby's parents -- would be there for sure, I couldn't be certain of her other grandparents. She looked sad, but said she understood. On the morning of the big day, I called my dad again. The ceremony starts at six, it'll be brief, only 19 kids graduating (my kids have been attending a small charter school, very limited class sizes). How bout I save you a couple seats?

He hemmed and hawed and made his apologies. Mom was having a Bad Day, it just wouldn't work.

So that was that. My grandma, all of 96 years old, went with us and enjoyed the whole thing. We all went out to dinner, Hubby got Grandma a margarita with only half the usual amount of tequila, which she seemed to relish (I admit, I helped polish it off LOL) and we were back home by 9:30.

My MIL promised to email pics to my parents.

Even on a not-bad day, Mom likely wouldn't have really enjoyed it. And for what it's worth, I  think my dad made the right decision to  keep her at home. But because he won't call on anyone but me to watch her, he missed out on something lovely and important.


And my daughter missed out, too.

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Denise

That missing out is hard to come to terms. I think it's the thought: It doesn't have to be this way. There are other, better ways that are better for everyone.\r\n\r\nCongratulations to your daughter!! How will she spend her summer?

jan

I know you are proud of your daughter and so should you be! How wonderful to share such a momentous occasion. How sad, too, for the fears and choices made from fears. Bravo to you that you didn't make a big deal about it, take it personally or create more sadness. You are showing your daughter more important lessons here, than any school can teach. Accepting each other as we are, with our strengths and weaknesses, and still calling it Family, is a wonderful accomplishment.

frogger16

Congratulations on your daughter's achievment! As a grandparent myself, it would be hard to miss out on such a special event. We've had to missed out on a few grandkid events lately. Im thankful for our DIL and son's understanding. Theyve taken to video recording events we miss, so thoughtful of them to do that for us!

Goldie

This is exactly the way my parents were the last years when they were still at home. Mom was so anxious and never felt well enough (physically? emotionally? mentally?) to be around people. Dad has always been protective of her. They missed most of my kids' stuff. \r\nCongratulations to your daughter!

Mary1072

I know your pain about your parents though for different reasons. My dad became very anxious about highway driving and seldom would make a one-hour trip for family events, which meant Mom missed them, too. It was exhausting for me to drive an hour to get them (if he would come), then return them home later and again make my way back home--three hours of driving. This went on for years before the \"real\" caregiving started. I didn't do that often--so unrealistic and exhausting. So I and others were often disappointed at their absence, and not everyone understood Dad's anxiety for what it was. Like I said, I think I get it. However, congratulations on your GRADUATE! Such a hopeful time of life for all.

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