Ground Hog Day in the Life, Just a Rant

Jenn

Ground Hog Day in the Life, Just a Rant

Jenn
groundhogI am writing right now because I don't know what else to do.  I am tired.  I am frustrated.  I feel that everyday I am just trying to squeeze my own life into my own life.  I am trying to keep my professional life going.  I cannot just sit and read anymore; I cannot just sit and study.  I may get 8 hours to myself a couple of days a week.  I squeeze in classes and clinical.  The other 8 hours I get to myself, I have to squeeze all the rest of my life into.  I have 8 hours to go to doctor's appointments, relax, go to the gym etc.  It FEELS squeezed.  I have to either take Mom with me on errands or go quickly while she is sleeping.  Even grocery shopping is squeezed in and sporadic.  I am so excited at 9 or 10 pm when Mom goes to bed that instead of going to sleep, I catch up on some shows, catch up on 'words with friends', catch up with social media.  I am so excited to just focus on me and painting my toenails or something personal.  If I am not sitting or one-on-one with Mom when she is here with me, all she does is say she will leave me alone, then, and go home.  This repeats for hours, folks, hours, until she goes to bed.  Either she gets my undivided attention, or she leaves.  The thing is, she has no where to go!  She lives here.  I cannot stand it anymore.  It reminds me of trying to sleep and having someone constantly poke me to wake me up.  That is how irritating it is.

The caregiver who minds Mom for the two 8 hours sessions during the week thinks it is funny.  She compares Mom to having a daughter and I think if she does it one more time, I may smack her.  Today, her advice was to take my Mom to the library with me to study.  Really?  So she can try to leave as I am reading, concentrating and ignoring her, just like at home?  The dumbest advice I have ever heard.  She is not attached to her daughter 24/7 and when her daughter is around, what comes out of her mouth is not a repetitive statement of, "well, I will be going home now."  I know people have it worse than I do.  At least I get breaks.  It is feeling like hell right now.  It almost feels like a nightmare such as "Ground Hog Day", the movie.  Nothing I say to Mom sinks in either.  She is so demented that all that is in her head is her mother.  Thanks for reading.  I appreciate having a forum in which to rant.