Hard Decisions


Hard Decisions

When you have 2 carees, decisions are a way of life. I have made so many decisions since caring for my mom and my husband, both who have dementia.

I was faced with a very hard decision this week. Mom has had aspiration pneumonia twice in a couple months. We have been through 2 courses of antibiotics, a CT scan, a swallowing test and all are conclusive for aspiration pneumonia. She actually aspirated during swallowing test.

After the swallowing test, she emphatically said, "I am done. No more tests, no more pills, just leave me alone". The speech therapist came the next day to follow up on the swallowing test. She looked at her and said No more, leave me alone. I wrote to her PCP and Geriatrician and conveyed what she said and they agreed to do a hospice referral.

I called a local hospice and got the most understanding, wonderful nurse. She was so kind she brought me to tears. I realized that this is a big step in the loss of both of them, Mom and Rod, my twins. This is reality. This is what we profess all the time around here, give me quality of life, not quantity and all kinds of heroics. This is our philosophy.

I told Mom if she is tired and done, I am on her side and will fight for the ability for her to say no more. That being said, this decision is not easily decided upon. It reflects that we made this decision once for Dad, now we are making it for Mom and I wonder when I will have to make it for Rod. Sometimes the weight  of an unseen decision weighs like a granite boulder on your shoulders. I know this is right, I know this is her wish, I know at almost 96, having outlived your whole family, including some nieces and nephews, you have a right to say goodbye on your terms. I think what makes this hard is that looming decision for Rod. I think I shall take my own advice and not get ahead of his disease.

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Thank you


Thank you so much for letting us know, Sharon. So hard. It is that much harder because of the future. You are wise to stay with us right here in the present. We're with you, sending you all our love and support.