Hiding from the World

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Hiding from the World

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(Editor's Note: Today we welcome Liz, who just joined us, to our blogging team. You can connect with Liz on her profile page: @lisitasplace.)

question-mark-460869_640Here I am, hiding from everyone. Everyone thinks I am working out of town and all I can think of is YAY!!!!! I DO NOT WANT TO ANSWER ONE PHONE CALL.

I feel exhausted, sad, anxious, and mainly angry. My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in August. Overall if you look at her you would never know. She cooks, bathes, cleans and even goes to the grocery. Its the memory loss and the vicious words she says to me. the accusations of "robbing her money."

I know what you are going to say, it's not her talking, she doesn't know what she is saying. Ya, tell that to my wounded heart. I feel like my best friend has just turned on me. Like my hang out buddy no longer trusts the one child who has shielded, bought, taken and cared for her fully.

I feel devastated. So here I am, hiding. crying, Silent questions to God, to the universe: WHY???? WHY?/????

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Thedogmama

Hi Liz,\r\n\r\nI cannot imagine what you are going through. I was blessed that my mom did not suffer from Alzheimer’s, although my dad did have dementia in his last two years. When mom came to live with me at age 90, I did lose (however not so dramatically) my best friend and confidant. I was no longer the daughter, I was the caregiver. It was very hard. What I can tell you, from my personal experience, is that you have found the best place to experience nonjudgmental love and understanding from people who share the stresses of caring for a loved one. You can be yourself here. You can rant, rave and pull your hair and we will all understand. We may not walk in your exact shoes, but we will walk along side of you and give you as much support and help as we can. Welcome.

Jen

I'm sorry you're struggling. I've got some of that going on as well. My mom recently accused me of bringing her out here just so I could have help with my rent. She has no idea what it costs to care for her or provide for her. She seems to think she can get a house with a yard out here for $400/ mo, but even studio apartments start at about $700 in the bad neighborhoods. So, I told her I would let her choose what she thought a fair amount was for her room and board. She said $300/mo. Room rentals here are $500 and up and I don't have to buy (or change!) a roommate's disposable briefs. lol I'm still torn on how to handle that whole thing if/ when her Social Security checks begin to show up. \r\n\r\nMy mom has repeatedly talked about moving out, and I finally got to the bottom of it. She said she's too old to be living under someone else's roof. That she needs more independence. So, I asked her how I could give her that. She wants to manage her own finances. Yikes. Double yikes. Anyway, maybe your mom is dealing with some of the same? Can she be more involved in her own finances so she sees that her cash is safe and where it's going?\r\n\r\nHang in there. *hugs*

Hansolosgirl

The mind part is THE WORST THING. Worse than cancer and the myriad of other illnesses that may happen to our loved ones. All I can offer is we are here, we understand.

Denise

Hi Liz,\r\n\r\nI'm so glad you started blogging! It's a great way to just write it out and then release it.\r\n\r\n<a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/janshriver/' rel=\"nofollow\">@janshriver</a>, who cares for her mom, also says that the words \"it's not the person, it's the disease\" do not help at all. \r\n\r\nYou are hurt, you are grieving, you're trying to make sense of what makes no sense at all. I hope your reprieve, your ability to hide, at least for a short time, will help. It's so helpful to step back so you can give your hurting heart a break. \r\n\r\nPlease keep us posted as you can.