How Do You Feel About the Holidays?

Amy

How Do You Feel About the Holidays?

Amy
IMG_8075It is hard to believe the holiday season is upon us once again. I don't know about all of you, but  they seem to be coming quicker every year. For me, this will be the 10th Christmas with out my brother, the sixth without my mom and the third without my dad. I would be lying if I didn't say "the holidays aren't the same." In fact, I went thru a phase where I " hated" the holidays after the loss of my family members.

I never married or had children of my own. I am grateful for my siblings and nieces and nephews and now two great nieces. They are the children I never had. But let's face it, my siblings all have significant others and most of my nieces and nephews are grown, married and or on their own. Every one has their own life and path. New traditions have started for us. My once close family is slowly changing. Whether I like it or not, time goes on and it is what it is. I knew after my parents passed, it would happen. I guess part of me was in denial. Seems like when we are all together now it is at a funeral or wedding. My siblings are great and do invite me to their gatherings which I so appreciate, but I find myself feeling out of place.

I guess I did not realize how much being a caregiver to my parents consumed my life. After they passed I had to reinvent my self. I have moved to a place I love and made some friends. Life goes along great until the holidays arrive. The lonely, sad, isolating feeling does surface. I listen to the Christmas music and when I hear a song that reminds me of  my child hood Christmas I feel the tears starting to come. Why? I am grateful that I have the memories I do. Grateful that I was blessed with the parents I had who did all they could to give their children/grandchildren what they didn't have. So, what am I going to do?

I have volunteered and donated to help me through the holiday season. I am starting to start my own traditions. To be grateful for the past and embrace the future. I feel this is the best gift I can give my self and others and to honor my parents and brother. Of course I miss them and the times we had together, but I have them in my heart and that's where they will stay always and forever.