How Do You Tell the Truth?

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How Do You Tell the Truth?

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truth-mdLast night, we had a terrific discussion during our Hot Topics show on Your Caregiving Journey about the truth. Our panel of family caregivers (ejourneys, Richard and Jane) first defined "truth" and then discussed how and when to tell the truth, especially to their carees. You can listen to our show via the player, below.

Jane discussed telling Nicole the truth about the need for a lung transplant. Ejourneys shared how she navigates the truth she wants to tell versus the truth her partner wants others to know. And, Richard shared a huge worry: How does he tell his mom the truth about her driving? (Share your thoughts to help Richard in our Questions section.)

I'd love to know: How do you tell the truth--to your caree and to other family members? And, how do you make sure you tell yourself the truth? Please share in our comments section, below.


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Denise

Yes! This is where forgiveness comes in. They were young, probably ill-equipped to manage the dynamics of the situation. I would imagine they have regrets about the whole situation. \r\n\r\nIt's a situation you'll always remember, but it's a situation you've forgiven. That's very freeing.

Denise

Hi S=S--Yes, you got it. We tell the truth because we know others have a right to hear it and are strong enough to know it. I truly believe this and I do my best to live it. I totally understand your upset about the friends--that would drive me nuts (no pun intended). I would not like that at all--that four knew and none told me. I'm getting riled up now thinking about it! It's a horrible, horrible feeling to be in the dark because others won't tell you. I think of it as the worst kind of deception. \r\n\r\nI tell my friends: Just tell me. I'm a big girl. \r\n\r\n:)

Chris MacLellan

I enjoyed listening to the show last night and sharing in the chat room. As the day had gone on today, I thought quite-a-bit about the conversation last night. I think when it comes to caregiving, there are so many components to telling the truth. As I thought of this today I was thinking...'What is the difference between telling the truth and knowing the reality of the situation.\r\n\r\nWhen I made the decision not to tell 'TLO' about the oncologist diagnosis of 3-4 months to live after the end of the chemo and radiation treatment, I made that decision based on the reality of the situation. TLO knew that he had cancer, he knew that it was serious...I thought...'Why add any more burden on him at this time?' At the time I made the decision, I felt that it was the right thing to do because I was feeding off his desire to 'beat this cancer.' I remember saying to myself, 'why put a time frame on this, when we really don't know?' \r\n\r\nLooking back on that now, (we are well past 12 months since the doctor made his prediction) I felt that I made the right decision to withhold that information from TLO. While my theological background will always remind me about the virtue of telling the truth, the truth is often seen through so many different colors and lenses. I am a proponent of telling the truth, because in many respects it is easier. However, when reality stumps the truth, I will defer to reality. The truth of the matter is that TLO had cancer and knew it, the reality of the matter is that the doctor was making a guess at the time frame. While pile on at that stage in the TLO's life? \r\n\r\nChris