I AM NOT ALONE

Lillie Fuller

I AM NOT ALONE

Lillie Fuller
IMG_7162_optLooking back on this weekend I have to say that this has been the best weekend and definitely the best Mother's Day I have had in a while. A month or so ago I had a talk with a friend about the holidays, how they affect me, how I get nasty and hateful and somewhat crazy. After our talk I decided that this year was going to be the year of change for me and the holidays. I decided I'm just not going to let the voices in my head get the best of me. It used to be Mother's Day that bothered me first in the year.

Even though it was a difficult couple of weeks leading up to Mother's Day, I enjoyed the time I had this weekend with friends, family and a few surprises. On Friday, the anniversary of Annie's death, after I had settled in for the day, there was a knock at the door and it was a friend who I have known for several years; our children went to school together. When our kids were little they attended the same birthday parties and Fran and I became friends just from these parties and volunteering at school. Fran brought me a box of See's candy and we visited for over an hour. Fran had never met my mom so it meant a lot to me to introduce her to my mom and we all three visited for a while. A Fran was leaving my son arrived home for the weekend; I visited with him and get some good momma/son hugs before he went out for the evening.

On Saturday, I spent some time with my mom and my son, piddle farted around the house. In the afternoon, my friend Ruth and we went to the cemetery to take flowers to her mom, my grandma, an aunt and also my dad. I feel so at peace when I go to the cemetery, a peaceful, easy feeling. I don't know what it is, maybe all the beautiful flowers and the quiet peaceful atmosphere. I came home to a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from my boys, delivered while i was gone.

Today, Sunday, I woke up to texts from friends and some cousins wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. I wanted to fix my mom something special for breakfast but she decided to have her usual. I got a call from my stepson, Patrick, who in just the last year I have become close to. While he was growing up we had what I would call a love/hate relationship, he didn't know if he loved me or hated me. Anyway, he called to say Happy Mother's Day and see if I was home so he could come by. He came and brought me a beautiful plant, a yellow rose. We talked for a while and it really means so much to me to have a positive relationship with him because of the dysfunctional way things were. My son, David, brought me breakfast in and I enjoyed spending some quality time with just him. My sister and her family, along with her mother-in-law, came over to see my mom. My brother called to say he would come tomorrow. My youngest son, Dale, came over and brought a flower for my mom and I, she got a rose and he brought me a Lily. I received very honest heart warming text message from my son's girlfriend and later she brought me over a card and a very nice gift. I fixed dinner for my mom and my son, chili rellenos, chicken and corn on the cob. My son's girlfriend brought over ice cream for dessert.

The whole weekend was amazingly beautiful.

Something I left out of my weekend was my chats here on the site. I really don't know if all these wonderful things could of happened without the support of you all, my friends and family of Caregiving.com. It means so much to me every single day to have somewhere to go, someplace where I am understood. Some place where I know there are others just like me, going through the same things I go through. All of our circumstances may not be the same but we each get how the others are feeling. There really is no greater feeling than knowing I AM NOT ALONE! This weekend I had private chats with a few of you, I chatted on Facebook with one and I shared and listened while others shared in the chatroom. All that meant so much to me. Thank you all for listening, for sharing, for believing in me and for giving me hope that I could make it through this holiday. And I will make it through the next one.

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4 Comments

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Denise

I'm sooooo glad for such a great weekend, Lillie. You deserve it.\r\n\r\nYou're such a good friend to all of us. I'm truly grateful for you.

Mar

I am so happy along with you for the wonderful weekend you had! Sentence after sentence of people coming by and texting and sending flowers and letting you know you are loved and appreciated. It was overwhelmingly wonderful! And every one of those moments was able to sink deeply into your heart because you were ready to receive it, open-hearted to the love being sent your way.\r\n\r\nLoved this post, Lillie. Thank you.

jan

Beautiful post, brimming with beautiful mental images and tender, positive thoughts. Knowing we are not alone, in our joys, and in the sorrows, is \"priceless\". So glad you had a happy day.