I Have A Secret


I Have A Secret

can-you-keep-a-secretI have a secret and I don't know what to do with it.

This afternoon we went to visit friends of ours in Edmonton as he is going through radiation treatment for esophageal cancer. His last treatment is on Wednesday and they are hoping that they can go home (they live 4 hours from Edmonton) shortly there after. He will start chemotherapy where they live.  During our visit, his wife asked if we could just go for a short walk to stretch out so we left the boys in the room to chat fishing and camping and we wandered down the hall.

It seemed like she had something important to say, but didn't know how to start. We found one of those nice, quiet sitting rooms and went in there. She sat down, looked at me and said, ''It's terminal you know?''. I guess the cancer has already spread to his lymph nodes and there isn't much they can do but hope that the radiation and chemo treatments slow things down. I feel incredibly trusted to have this information because she hasn't told her daughters yet. However, she asked that I don't tell even Mike and this is where my dilemma lies.

I have a secret and I don't know what to do with it.

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Chris, I understand how hard it is to keep a secret from a spouse. I am hoping your friend just needs a little time to adjust and find her words to be able to express what is going on. Spouses sometimes have hard jobs in these difficult caregiving experiences. I like the suggestions given and know the right one will happen for you. Hold that secret close and keep the confidence for your dear friend!


Oooh, Chris. I am soooo sorry for this difficult news. \r\n\r\nYour friend obviously has a tremendous amount of trust in you. I wonder if, as you keep this secret, you could help your friend find the words to speak the secret to others. I think we often choose a secret when we just don't know how to tell the people we love really awful news. Perhaps with your help, she can find the strength to tell others, including Mike. Perhaps you and Mike could be with both of them when they tells their daughters and other family members.\r\n\r\nThe concern about keeping the secret is that family and friends can't be as supportive and helpful as they would like to be. And, because we never know how much time there is with terminal, it would be nice for the family to spend as much quality time together as possible. It's difficult news but yet empowering, too. When the news is shared, the family can talk openly and honestly about how to support and care for each other.\r\n\r\nI hope this helps. I know others will weigh in with their thoughts.\r\n\r\nPlease keep us posted.