"I Have Reservations"


"I Have Reservations"

Last August, when it became clear my dad could no longer manage at home (even with me at home with him), my brother and I made arrangements for a respite stay for him. When my mom moved from the hospital to a facility for a rehab stay, I chose a facility that had an assisted living section that offered respite stays -- just in case. The "just in case" happened soon after my mom's arrival when we moved my dad into my mom's room and, a week later, into an apartment in the facility's assisted living section.

When we mentioned the idea of my dad moving from the house to the facility, he immediately began packing his bag. He couldn't leave fast enough.

Yesterday, I sat with my dad as the movers rolled furniture out of their apartment in the retirement community. "Are you excited to move into the new apartment?" I asked.

He sat, expressionless. Finally, he answered, "I have reservations."

Earlier, he sat with my brother. "I hope we're doing the right thing," he said to my brother. My brother later said my dad was upset as he said good-bye to the staff and other residents.

My mom explained to my sister that my dad experienced shortness of breath on Thursday night as they walked their frozen food to the new apartment. (Their apartment is across the street from the retirement community.) My dad's shortness of breath was a problem at home. It disappeared once he left the house.

My mom, on the other hand, is ecstatic to be living in such a beautiful apartment. In this beautiful apartment, they now will be responsible for doing and organizing everything. Or, I should say, my siblings and I will be helping my parents manage the responsibility of living on their own.

I have such a feeling of doom about this move. My siblings encourage me to think positive and to hope for the best.

I guess I'm positive my parents will not be able to manage in the apartment and that the stress of living in the apartment will soon take its toll on my dad's health. I'm positive I see another move in the not-too-distant future.

My parents, though, may prove me wrong. Time will tell.

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My heart is so heavy for your family, Denise. I feel for your dad who must truly be between a rock and a hard place. How much he must want to please your mother, and also try to do the right thing with their resources, but reality crowds in. How hard it is to carry all that, and the memories of previous failures and obstacles. You are your siblings continue to use the utmost respect for your parents and their wishes, which is remarkable and courageous. All of us here, reading your story, know how sincere you are to your core about wanting the best for them. Thank you for sharing.


Gosh, so much has transpired in less than a year. \r\nYour feelings of doom sound like heartfelt concerns.\r\nYou are a very knowledgeable professional in elder care , \r\nIt's so sad they wouldnt listen to reason and trust your guidence.\r\nI admire how you have respected your folks choices, knowing they arent the best ones.


Sounds like one of those situations where I actually hope and pray that I'm wrong. Your parents, like mine, may be alot better off in assisted living, but fight the whole idea tooth and nail. God knows why. I hope it works out well for your Dad.

Lillie Fuller

I really wish the best for all of you. I can't imagine how emotional this is for you, watching the changes and knowing in your heart that your dad knows it's not the thing to do. Thank you so much for sharing with us, thank you for trusting us with your story. I appreciate you.