I Need To Stop

Grace girl

I Need To Stop

Grace girl
(Editor's Note: Welcome Suzanne, who cares for her husband, to our blogging team today. Please feel free to connect with her on her profile page: @suzannek.)

Nearly 9:30 and the episode is over. We are into Murdoch Mysteries now. I happen to have the Apple TV remote this time, so I go through the process of shutting down the TV then handing the remote back to Thom. I notice as he takes it, his hand trembles. The shaking seems more pronounced than usual and I glance at him--nearly naked--and notice how skinny he’s gotten. His shoulders are stooped and his now lopsided face has a three day old beard. I am stunned at how old and frail this man of mine has become.

I want to gasp. Not because of the frailty but because I am just now noticing. I have been so busy. Busy paying bills, washing dishes, calling the attorney, picking up groceries, going to the post office, following up on unfinished business secretly discovered. In trying to stay on top of it all, I have gotten a bug, I am tired and today I am annoyed. I told Thom tonight that I am not coming back to bed with him until he takes a shower.

And as I watch him grasping for the remote, I am realizing in this moment, that I need to stop. I need to stop doing everything. Our king size bed is roomy enough for all of us--not just the two dogs and Thom. They have been cozying in this bed most of the week and I have let them alone. But I see now that I need to stop, drop all that is keeping me busy, and crawl in beside them all. Then I will remember that this man right here today is not the man that I think is making me annoyed. How could he?