I Take Offense to the Term "Martyr"

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I Take Offense to the Term "Martyr"

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hands-269273_640I have been called a martyr by several people I know. I honestly take offense to the term "martyr."

One of my neighbor organizes a group to go to different shows every year. Believe me, I don't care about going. She thinks I stopped living because of my husband. I have to admit I don't go to a lot of family functions, maybe if I lived closer I would go for a short time. But the drive is 40 minutes both ways. I wouldn't feel comfortable being gone that long when I honestly don't care if I go. I don't feel as though caring for my husband is a burden. Do I wish he was well? YES. But this is the hand we were dealt and right now this is my number one priority.

I certainly don't feel like a MARTYR. I don't ask or want sympathy, maybe a little UNDERSTANDING or COMPASSION, maybe Empathy, even a little RESPECT. I just don't want to be labeled a MARTYR!!!

I am a wife and I care for my husband. I find it hurtful when someone who has never cared for anyone labels me.

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LilMagill

Hear, hear!

Shirley

I know just what your saying I would rather be with my husband , in my area if I really needed or wanted respite care for him I would need to put him in a nursing home for a month at $1100 a week at one time I thought a weekend or a couple days might be something I might need I would like to move and in order to do that I need to have time to go out and look at homes which are 2 hours from where we now live I just couldn't do it I couldn't put him in a nursing home I would rather be with him and things work out how their meant to work out . love when people say you need to take care of yourself I not sure what they really mean!! I got to my doctors appointments , it got to the hairdressers what are they referring to! No one is saying I will come for a few hours so you can go out for a while they are only saying \" you need to take care of yourself\" !\r\n\r\nShirley

Shirley

Correction to above paragraph should be anyone who loves and cares about the well being of another person who is ill be it their spouse , parent grandparent , child or friend if your not a caregiver I guess you don't understand our priorities, socializing and going to shows isn’t always a number one priority although there’s nothing wrong with socializing or going to shows it’s fine if you want to , I for one would just like to take a nice nap personally I am tired .\r\nI am not saying there aren’t times I wouldn’t like to go to lunch or go shopping at the mall or just have a day out without being concerned something going wrong at home with my husband ,but if I turn down an invitation it’s really because I don’t want to go and I would rather be with my husband and I don’t feel the event warrants paying an aide for something I really don’t care about . I don’t think that makes my a martyr at all. Right now at this point in my life just give me a day without stress, a day where things go well and a day I can get a nice little nap in and I am a happy camper.

jan

Shirley, it is sad that our current society has hijacked a great word which shows compassion and passion and sacrifice even unto death, all amazing and incomprehensible concepts to most people but not to us. Any label doesn't change one iota what you do. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and concerns with us!

Shirley

Jenn what a shame ! \r\nMy husbands daughter in- law wants to declare her mom incompetent she has a little dementia ,but is caring for her husband and home it has me enraged , his son also wanted to declare him incompetent I have to say thank god I am his wife and have Power of Attorney if he can't speak for himself , but as of now he is fine to make his decisions I wonder how they will feel when they get older and their kids don't agree with their decisions and learned this lesson from their parents \" let's declare the old folks incompetent and put them away \" how scary is that!!! What happened to family taking care of family? My grandmother lived with my family my whole life isn't that how it should be caring for our elders and giving them respect not throwing them away like a bag of trash

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