If It's Not Quitting - Why Does It Feel That Way?

CatKBorn

If It's Not Quitting - Why Does It Feel That Way?

CatKBorn
So had the meeting with the care facility. Grilled them for two hours. And since they used to be a client when I was doing HR consulting, that was probably a bit much. But I did have a lot of questions.

Got them all answered.

Mom is now on a waiting list for one of the rooms in their Greenhouse units. Ever heard of the Greenhouse Project? Check it out here. This is a great concept in skilled nursing care, and I was so hoping to get her into a place like this but wasn't sure that Medicaid would cover it but YES! it will be covered and she's on the list.

They can take her in a regular room probably in a few weeks but I don't want to move her several times in the process of all this. Not that I can take this much longer, I'm not sure that I have a few more weeks left in me. But they advised me to spend down more of her money from the stock sale -- go ahead and get a lift chair, that sort of thing.

Got a wheelchair this week. Naturally, Mom won't use it. Fights me getting into it but can't walk so... Same stuff different day. Same headache.

Yes, I am at the end of my rope. Yes, she needs more care now than before. Yes, I'm more than a little pissed that the care agency is now telling me that the girls are not allowed to lift more than 25 pounds so when Mom can't walk there's really nothing they can do. Yet, the wheelchair arrived on Thursday but the caregiver didn't use it on Friday and continued to assist her to walk. Without the gait belt either. I know this because I have cameras in the house.

So intellectually I know that setting things up with the care facility makes sense that it appears to be time. But emotionally that is a whole other story. I feel as though I am quitting on her. That once again my efforts aren't good enough, that I'll never be good enough.

And too, she isn't a person you can distract. There's no "oh look, a squirrel" tactic that is effective. She's aware enough to know where she is so you can't play games. I don't think she's going to "get over it", "get adjusted" after a week or so... she will know she isn't home. She will know she can't go home.

How am I supposed to NOT feel as though I am quitting on her?