I'm Okay


I'm Okay

Has it really been two months since I've blogged? Yes, it has. It's been a bit longer since my brother left, ending his role in our 3-person, caregiver rotation. He has yet to return, but I'm okay.

I no longer dread my Tuesday - Saturday caregiving role. In fact, I've realized that I'm more at ease when I'm "on duty" than when I'm at home. At home, I can't shake the sound of the clock ticking, counting down the hours until it's time for me to head back. Planning everything in advance, down to what I'll be cooking, who I'll try to see, and what I'll watch, helps immensely. Otherwise, I feel like I'm standing in the eye of a tornado, watching the time, and my life, go by, unable to grasp anything—unable to decide what to do next.

For some reason I'm no longer worried about what's at the other end of this. Previously, I felt that when this was over, I'd be too old to be in a relationship, too old to own a house, too old to travel on my own. I guess I'm just trusting that God will see me through, regardless. I guess I have faith after all.

I have decided that I will not be caregiving when I turn 50 on July 16th. My original plan was to travel the world that month. I'll settle for seven days. Someone will have to work something out.

Dad is doing great. If it weren't for his dementia, he'd be so much better off. He just doesn't realize what is dangerous and what's not at this point. He's no longer using a walker, he's dressing himself with little assistance, he's remembering our new routines, and most of all, he's happy. My biggest concern is that he doesn't like to do his mind challenge activities. He will do his chair exercise videos, thankfully. He is a strong man.

Mom, on the other hand, is getting a little tired. When they are alone in bed at night, he often asks questions about the people, places and things of the past. Many of these things he knows. He's testing himself, using her to check his memory. I feel we're here more for Mom—helping with housework, chores and errands. She's still cooking all the meals, doing all the laundry and not letting us help very much. The last thing I want is this to wear her out to the point she has an issue.

All in all, I've adjusted. I'm in a good place. I pray things stay this way for a good long while.


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It is great to hear from you, Mike. I am so glad you are doing okay.\r\n\r\nI, too, sometimes got caught up in the thought that it's all passing me by. I think, though, that we're soaking it all in. And, what we soak in will only make what we receive and do and achieve in the future that much sweeter.\r\n\r\nAnd, I love your plan for 50!! Where will you go?