I imagine we've all felt it. We start caring for a loved one, and next thing we know, we are not only shouldering all their health needs, but also feel responsible for their comfort. For their happiness. For their mood. We feel guilty for carrying out an act in haste, for making a blunt comment, for offending our caree when we have a different priority.

I struggle with setting boundaries quite a bit. Caring for my husband, I want him to be happy and comfortable yet these are things I cannot always control, nor should I have to. We all have to deal with inconveniences and life as it is; I have to repeatedly tell myself it is not my job to be sure he is happy. If he wants to stay up late but I need rest, I can draw that line and say "I'm going to bed." I can say "I need to get out of this house" and find someone else to care for him during that time. I can outsource care he'd rather I do, despite who he'd "prefer" helps. I can refuse to make him cookies when I have a different list of priorities, no matter how strong his craving.

I debate internally whether doing things his way is an act of love on my part, or an act of compliance. I know I avoid conflict, and I'd rather just do something to appease someone than put up a fight, especially when I'm already struggling with fatigue. Learning to say NO is something I'm still... well, learning!

Here's my latest blog post on setting boundaries. Something I know I need to keep working on because it is a huge part of self care & self compassion!

https://thethrivingcaregiver.com/2019/10/08/because-boundaries/