In Limbo

Casandra Porter

In Limbo

Casandra Porter
cartoon_turtleThings have been slow.

Things have been agonizingly slow.

Some think this should be looked at as a good thing. I cannot find the good in that. For several reasons, the first being that it leaves me constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. When things go silent that has always been a sign that something more looms in the immediate distance and I am not good at dealing with things being dropped on me. So, I tend to be overly anticipatory about what could be coming down the road. So much so at this point I think I'm probably about to give myself an ulcer.

I have also been sick. Nothing serious, though. Just had a pinched nerve in my neck that wasn't giving me pain but making me extremely lightheaded and have the worse migraine. I went to Urgent Care and ER but it was a last minute decision to see my chiropractor which resolved the issue. Well, hasn't been completely resolved but we now know what it is and are treating it so I am in a lot less pain.

But although there just seems to be a sudden halt in testing and treatments for Marc and an incredible decrease in the number of doctors and assistants that have been ringing my phone nonstop and I should be enjoying the silence, it's beginning to drive me a little nuts.

I need to go back to doing things to occupy my own time besides worrying about Marc. I am working on that.

So, that is where we are right now... waiting to see his doctors later this month to determine the next step in his care and me looking for ways not to lose my mind in the interim.

The problem mainly exists that I have A LOT of things on my mind that aren't even coherent to me right now, so not much in way of me being able to communicate to others how I feel when I don't quite know myself. But I am still highly grateful for every single day I have with Marc especially when they are good days and he's not in pain or crabby.

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Casandra Porter

Thanks, Pegi. I am definitely enjoying our time together. Even when he's being Mr. Cranky Pants :) I can't help but think, better cranky than not here with me. Besides, he has every right to be cranky right now. I know even though the doctor appointments have died down, he's still in a considerable amount of pain and frustration. I try to make sure I am understanding to that aspect, as well.

Casandra Porter

It's baby steps, Bob, but I am completely invested in making sure I don't have any problems while I am still dealing with Marc. I know I can't keep myself 100% devoid of illness but I can nip in the bud as soon as I possibly can. \r\n\r\nI know I need to give myself a break. It's hard. When I do find myself relaxing, I think, I could be doing [insert item here] and I get the itch to do it. I know I need to, I've recognized that awhile ago, I just have to get better at implementing \"me time\" into the equation.

ejourneys

Hi, Casandra -- I'm glad you've taken the time to take care of yourself. How we feel physically and our moods are so closely intertwined.\r\n\r\nI'm also glad that you're seeking things to occupy your own time. That you're giving yourself back to you -- even if it takes practice.

Denise

Hi--Bob's comment about the umbrella reminded me of this one from Elizabeth Lombardo, our happiness expert: Don't wear your winter coat in the summer.\r\n\r\nDuring the good days, it's hard not to wait for the bad days. Then, the bad days come and you long for the good days. As you can, make use of the good days. It's not about what's to come but about what is. \r\n\r\nHow would you like to take advantage of this time you have now?\r\n\r\nContinue to feel better. Keep us posted. :)