I've Got It Covered

Casandra Porter

I've Got It Covered

Casandra Porter
wedding-rings-hiThings since Marc have been out of the hospital have definitely been stressful. Although he is doing quite well but could definitely be doing better.

It's an uphill battle dealing with his care. We've had a major medication change, he's on IV drip antibiotics which takes up to five hours of our time each day (which I have to administer and will soon be learning how to do the blood draws, as well), he's in acute kidney failure from the medication, his blood pressure is sky high because of the constant push of IV fluids we have to do along with the IV antibiotics, and we're struggling with ways to find transportation to and from medical appointments without breaking the bank.

There were a series of incidents that happened before and after the surgery. The roommate's mom came to help get us to the surgery because the roommate was once again proving to be difficult. She sat down with me and said she wanted to take the roommate back to Oregon with her at some point and since we got rid of our car to come down here, based on their suggestion, she wanted to give us money to purchase a used car. Great! I kindly and happily accepted because we needed some independence from the roommate. We were always under the impression before we moved there would be two cars so I could use the other when needed. The roommate sold the other car to buy video games the week we were coming and didn't tell us. Had he, I could have taken my car, as I didn't give it away until the day we left Arizona. Strike One.

The roommate also knew Marc had allergies to cats. We've known him for 12 years. We've visited multiple times and we've only been able to stay minimal time in their home because of the cats. When we agreed to move in together we agreed no cats. The roommate lied and when we arrived the cat was here and made things much worse for Marc. Eventually, the parents came and retrieved the cat but refused to help pay to clean the house or go half into it. I've spent $800 allergy proofing the home for Marc after we've arrived. Strike Two.

The roommate has no respect for women. He believes I should cater to him on top of Marc and when he doesn't get his way with me, he then throws horrible tantrums. Blames them on his Asperger's. Okay. We'll work through this. When I try to help him, his go-to phrase is, "I don't want to." Or he says, "I was never taught to do ." He's called me multiple choice words that you should never call a female. Strike Three.

Now, if we were playing baseball, he'd be out. Had I no heart and better financial standing after having given up my job, my car, and my wonderful apartment to move to California because it was a long-term solution that we had been discussing doing months BEFORE Marc got sick and I waited until months AFTER Marc got sick to make the decision as to what would be best for him. Although I had MAJOR reservations everyone was telling me how good this move will be, even the doctors for his allergies. And the roommate and his parents were adamant about how much they wanted him here and to help him. So, I ventured past strike three.

After the surgery they believed Marc had a parasite. A rare one. I knowing that they'd screwed up once before was not convinced. We had them retest. However, the doctors being convinced sat down with me to try to pinpoint how he got it. It was only in his sinuses NOT in his stool cultures. However, we were on touch isolation for all but the last three days of Marc's stay. Based on what they thought the saw, the time frame it would take to develop to that stage, they believed Marc had picked it up three to four weeks ago. Marc hasn't been anywhere but the hospital AND home. However, the house was still ridden with cat hair since the cat left, the cat had been sick and we had a furniture set gifted from the roommates parent's storage that they confirmed had rats in it but they never got the furniture cleaned before bringing it in the house. The doctors told me this... "It is important that you get the house cleaned BEFORE we can allow you to take Marc home. He's going to be easily susceptible to catching anything and we can't be sure where the parasite came from."

I relayed this to the mother. She was the one most involved because the roommate doesn't listen to his father. I began advising her of what we discussed and I said, while the offer to pay for the car is nice and amazing, what is most important right now is for us to get the house cleaned. I already know a cleaning crew, they are giving me a huge discount because he and Marc are friends, and I'd prefer that you put the money into helping clean so I can bring Marc home and we'll work the car situation out later.

She wanted to give me $3000 for a used car. The cleaning was $500. I was asking for her to pitch in half of that. Somehow this was upsetting to her. She just didn't get how important a clean environment is to Marc's health even though I expressed this before agreeing to move and they promised they'd make sure it was cleaned and it never was. She said she didn't want to do that because that would leave the roommate "trapped." I took great offense to this wording because the roommate was not trapped. He'd taken us to four appointments and one hospital visit since we'd been here. The only thing the roommate does is eat, play video games and sleep. If anyone is trapped it is us because we have no freedom. What we do depends on his mood because although he claimed I could use the car whenever he NEVER let me use the car EVER. He had to be the one to drive us wherever. It was just sad.

Long story short, I told her, if that is the way the roommate feels, I'll pay for the cleaning. Just make sure we get home because I would be cash poor after doing so, she can keep her money for the car, and since they promised we can live here for the same amount of rent we're paying and just handle the bills prior as part of our arrangements, she can then feel free to take the roommate with her.

The day we got ready to be released from the hospital, the roommate would not answer his phone. We called the mother. She then proceeds to tell us that he's already in Oregon. He left while we were still at the hospital because I said we didn't need their help. Which was a lie, that was not what I said. Moments later the father (who always tries to stay out of the roommate situation because he doesn't agree with how the mother treats the roommate) calls us and says he's sending a car to take us home, paying for the locksmith because we didn't have a key, and told us where the spare key was inside the house. He took care of everything. But still no word from the roommate and he's supposed to be Marc's best friend. He won't answer his phone or respond to emails.

Marc is furious. He's disappointed and angry. I, on the other hand, while greatly stressed trying to find ways to get us to his post-op staple removing appointment next week, am fine. I was angry about how it all went down but the last three days without the roommate have been the most stress-free days I've had since moving to California.

It sounds messy and it is but I've found some resources by calling the county. I've got a friend and his church in Oakland involved in also helping to find transportation for next week. At the end of it, I spend $250 for a round-trip shuttle ride with the $3000 check she did decided to leave for me anyway. I'll figure it out. It's what I do.

I've always expected something similar to happen based on the roommate's increasingly negative and bad behavior since we've gotten here and past incidents with the roommate before we agreed to move in. Mentally, I was prepared. I just wish I'd brought my car with me against my better judgement. I believed the roommate and mother when they said they'd have two cars and that I needed to leave my car because of parking space issues. But I can't change what has happened, I can only move on from here. Dealing with people who have no sense of rationalization is a minor issue to what I've had to endure.

Today's our anniversary and I'm thrilled. My main concern is my husband, forever and always. I'm just happy he's alive. Whatever comes next, I've got it covered.

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Denise

Happy Day After Your Anniversary!!\r\n\r\nHow did you celebrate?\r\n\r\nI'm wishing you and Marc many, many years of happiness and blessings. You both deserve all good things. :)

ejourneys

Kudos to you for keeping your sanity and your temper throughout all this. And for moving on from it. I am keeping my fingers crossed for better times ahead. Hooray for stress-free days and Happy Anniversary to you both!