Just Shoot Me


Just Shoot Me

I just can't.

Today was payday so I needed to get groceries after work. I should know better. We have to eat and God knows I need cleaning supplies around here but seriously... I can't be away that long.

I get home and she's all over me: change the TV channel, where's dinner - which I made but she wouldn't eat.

Then I start talking about how the caregiver will be here tomorrow. Again should have known better.

NO!!! Tomorrow she thinks is her Optimist meeting. Wrong. It is Wednesday - she's been going to this meeting every freakin' Wednesday for more than 20 years yet all of a sudden it is now on Tuesday. It's on the calendar for Wednesday. Has been every month since she moved in at the end of April. The last couple of weeks the caregiver's name has been there on Tuesdays and Thursdays. As you may know THAT has been a huge mess. Oh Thursday went well but only after I just about fell apart trying to do everything that needed done. No amount of pleading, tears or yelling on my part will change her mind. I'm lying. The caregiver is somehow taking Optimist away from her and that is that.

This means you realize that I will have to fire the caregiver and go back to doing 100% of everything myself. If she won't let the help in the door or let them stay long enough to actually help what is the point of paying $518 a month for the service? After all that fighting last week to get the service to actually give me information, in all likelihood I am going to have to cancel it. Changing days to distance the visits from the Optimist meetings isn't going to make a difference either really - thought of that but can't see how. Moving the visits to Monday and Friday may not even get us the same person and there we are back to the beginning again.

It's only been since the end of April and I can't take it. I have to work 8-5, Monday through Friday or I lose my house, etc. I need to have help come in but she's fighting it. I'm not sure if she's gotten worse since she moved in or if I'm just seeing it more. Well in one way she's worse. Now she going up to people she doesn't know, thinks she does know, and trying to hold their faces in her hands. Happened last night at the park. Freaked the poor man out. I wasn't fast enough to stop her. Had to apologize, try to grab her off him, etc. It was awful.

Yes, I yelled at her tonight. A lot. Funny how just like a child she can turn the tears on and off at the drop of a hat too. But yes, I yelled. I cursed. I've had it. I need help here and she won't accept or allow it.

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Oh, I know how you feel. Its never enough. and seems I am always wrong. and she never beleives me. I have yelled too. My mom hates my granddaughter. I think because she is jealous that i may love the grandaughter more than her. She cant stand me spending time with my grandkids. I have to go to their home to homeschool 2 because they were kicked out of school due to bad behavior. (hum, could it be coming from my moms, generation? haha) Anyway, I am constantly juggling with her, trying to make up to her for time away when she is not center of my attention. She sits in recliner all day and then complain her legs and hips hurt--cause she wont walk!!!!!!! Says she sick all the time, but funny how she is well enough to get her hair done every friday and go out to listen to bluegrass music she loves. I have to take her there every weekend. arrive an hour early so she can get handicap spot, but I drop her at the door!!! And I am NEVER RIGHT!!!! Have to prove everything to her. Then she says in that little so sad voice, well, I know I am always wrong. told her one day yeah, I guess she is. sometimes I hate myself