Late Night ER Run

Marie

Late Night ER Run

Marie
First of all I have to say that I love my grandmother.  Not only is she my grandmother she is also the woman who raised me solely on her own since I was 3 and she's my best friend.  I tell her everything except for the things that concern her caregiving that annoy me.  At least I try not to but sometimes she pokes and pokes and pokes until I blurt it out.  Today has been one of those days.

I've been having issues sleeping and she knows this, so when she told me last night at 12:45 that we needed to go to the ER because her stomach was paining I sincerely wanted to pretend that I was asleep and didn't hear her.  But no, I can't do that.  What if it's something seriously wrong?  She's had issues with her stomach all her life.  Typically she takes baking soda and water, it takes care of any gas issues and it did sound like she had gas.  I make that suggestion. No.  She was afraid to take anything. She had already taken an anti-acid and didn't want to take anything else.

So after a change of clothes, we're off to the ER.  We didn't have long to wait, no sooner had we checked in they called her back.  Once we were tucked into a room the doctor came in a pleasant little man with an island accent, who said we would go through her labs to see what was going on.  So one urine test, a blood draw (two pokes since her veins decided to roll), x-ray and EKG (and several times of no, it's not me she's in the bathroom) they put in an IV to give her some meds.  I can't tell you what they gave her other than something for reflux, something for pain and something for nausea.

After losing her supper and a nice nap we were sent home at 5:45 am.  I just.  Yeah.  The info they sent home with us talks about Reflux and Peptic Ulcer. Two things we know she has issues with now or in the past.  I just.  Seriously, 5 hours to find this out?  This is something I'm sure we could have handled at home but since her stroke, Gramma panics with the least little thing that could be happening.  Five years ago she wouldn't have said anything.  She would have taken her baking soda and water and gone back to bed.

Complaining about this makes me feel like I'm being selfish.  This is my grandmother, I'm her caregiver.  I shouldn't feel guilty about being upset because I shouldn't be upset, right?  I should just drop everything and go.  I shouldn't be upset for losing sleep, I shouldn't be upset for missing a day of work because I had to go and pick up a different stomach med for her and because I'm too tired to do my job correctly.

But if I shouldn't feel that way, why do I?

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Lisa Cozart

Well it is differently not just you. I do not sleep very well either while caring for my grandma and it seems no one understands that often you are more exhausted than you are over the situation in the long rung. While are mind says they cant help it the other part is saying why is she doing this now. You are tired, allow yourself to realize that you are tired and move on. I was reading a chicken soup for the care-giving soul the other day that it is the space between the events that are important.That event is gone move on and enjoy as many new spaces between the events into the next one. Do not be so hard on yourself.

Lark

Thank goodness! Another human being! Feeling upset and exhausted and frustrated are human feelings when events go off the rail. Love and commitment are the traits that took her to the hospital, stayed with her and brought her home. Caregiving brings out the best and the worst of me all in one event. This is the perfect place to share your feelings. I have learned the hard way that most people do not want to hear it from me or, within two sentences, they are me their stuff or telling me how to do my stuff. At this site I can let it all out. Thank you for sharing.

Goldie

Marie, you're not complaining, you're tired. It's difficult to always handle things graciously when you're sleep deprived. Your relationship with your Grandmother has a solid foundation. As a friend of mine would say, \"You'll be fine. You've got that love thing going on.\" \r\nThat said, I know how hard it is to get up and go to the ER one more time.