Limits (Bedtime, Healthcare Workers, Self)


Limits (Bedtime, Healthcare Workers, Self)

English: Black Hill from the North Taken from ... English: Black Hill from the North Taken from the path zig-zagging its way down the eastern slopes of the Malvern Hills. Just to the left of the summit of Black Hill you might just see the ditch and bank of the Red Earl's Dyke. On the right of the photograph there is one of two boundary stones identifying the old western limits of the Parish of Welland; the other is about 200m closer to Black Hill. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Every night at about 7:30 p.m. or 8 p.m., I will take my decompress time (Wheel of Fortune and The Bachelorette lol !). After cooking dinner and doing dishes, which in 'the real world' means just that but for those of us who have 'volunteered' for caregiving, it means a whole new world!

For me, it's Dad, "Help your Mom with dinner," and "Okay , I'll be right there." Lo' and behold I've cooked and cleaned and am wiped out. Then I've showered and tried to put lotion on in the bathroom in private and invariably Mom wants to say goodnight at those times. "Mom, I'll be there. I'm brushing my teeth" but really I'm going Oh . . . My . . . God . . .

Everyone says it's a blessing and you'll miss them when they're gone and I know that but I'm going nuts, guys! as I shakily put my Shibumi self-care lotion on and haphazardly brush my hair. Then I get all set for bed, damp-wash the urine that has landed on my bed because Mom does not realize her clothes are wet and I don't know how to say, "Uh, we need to put a towed down" before we say goodnight. Invariably, at about two minutes past either television show Mom comes down to say "Goodnight" about 15 times (literally). Part of this story is I battle depression every day and I'm going through a divorce so it's tough to balance all of this 'stuff'.

Second part of this that I'm not sure if it's related is their healthcare worker receives recognition that I crave emotionally and financially. To Dad, at least, verbally she's an angel come to save Mom and I'm here to find myself and finalize a divorce. But,  there's no way (to me) to live with my parents and not caregive. The healhcare worker is another long story--someone who is here four hours a week, is invasive, and I keep hearing, "Your Mommy called you" and I want to scream, "I know, now please let me be!" (Now I just feel mean. Sorry! )

So,  any thoughts about how to keep my bed clean for myself?

And any links directions regarding how to apply for government assist without my father's "okay" because to him I'm not a caregiver but my finances... Oh, my...

Thanks for letting me vent!


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Thank You Denise :D This is really going to test my limits in a good way . . My first response was to go ack I have to take care of Mom but this is taking care of me and getting me ahead in life in a big picture! Thank you!!!!


Hi--I saw your other update about journaling and misunderstood your question. I get now what you're looking for. \r\n\r\nYou could start your own group (just for you) and post updates there. It would be a private group that you write out what happens during your day. In your own group, you can organize the Forum by responsibilities and then update the forum topics as needed.\r\n\r\nI can help you with this, if you'd like to try it. :)


Hi ejourneys. Thank you. I've been staring at the computer screen doing the relief sigh and going uh . . uh . . uh . . I have nothing to add to what you just said except that I can relate to your struggles as well. You seem incredibly insightful. I left a violent marriage and moved here. Yes, divorce is a huge ball o' wax.\r\n\r\nHow did you catharize (sp?) how to live with the nonstop 'minutiae' interruptions, such as something you want to do for yourself that's interrupted on a daily basis. For me it's a TV show and at 7:02 Mom will come say Goodnight. It's like subconsciously or her nerve cells know to come at that time.\r\n\r\nThank you so much for your comments_mysql ejourney\r\n\r\nIl


Hi, Il -- welcome! I agree with what everyone else here has said -- I've had to learn to cut myself a lot of slack. My partner has MS that acts like traumatic brain injury, with most of the damage in her prefrontal cortex. She has cognitive, emotional, and physical issues. I've learned to live with what feel like nonstop interruptions over minutiae, plus a lot of emotional catharsis.\r\n\r\nYou are the one who is there, who's shown up for this, and who are doing all that you can. That is tremendous.\r\n\r\nAnd you are doing it while going through a divorce, which is a whole additional ball o'wax. (I've been there, too -- left a violent marriage years ago.) All the more reason to be especially kind to yourself.\r\n\r\nI hope the resources can help. This is a wonderful place to vent. We've all been there in one form or another. Venting is a way to keep ourselves sane. :-)


Oh Lord, How funny Denise. Well at least I feel comfortable venting here! Uh, California. I want to join chats as well at is it 5pm PST? psssst. I want to go on the computer Dad. No cook dinner . . \r\nThoughts without dragging myself to the Library so I can do this? I don't have a laptop and my PC is near the kitchen.\r\nYes, Dad is her primary caregiver and my brother is trustee to the estate so my 'jealousy' issues are wow . . \r\nGoodness another vent here . . I like the what me vent?\r\n\r\nBut I seguay. Dad as primary caregiver and I are not on the same page I guess. That's tough as oh my that's another blog. Family Dynamics. Anyway, I really feel out of the loop I don't even know what Mom's careplan is, I just feel like I'm here and taking care of Mom and Dad flying by the seat of my pants.\r\n\r\nI like your idea of going for a walk now that raises another issue.\r\nMom is resistant to activity so she won't walk and if we end up at the bathroom she will say I'm not wet! We have the 'chucks' and I meant that if I use the ones my father bought ( about 500 at least ) he would probably complain about waste or wonder why I'm using them in my room or in my car for that matter.\r\n\r\nYes it helps alot and can you make sense of this?\r\n\r\nIl

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