Loneliness as a Spouse Caregiver

Sharon

Loneliness as a Spouse Caregiver

Sharon

We were able to go out to eat with some of my husband's family today. That was fun especially in light of all the cold weather we have been having. There is a kind of loneliness in doing this, however. Even though I know they care, nobody really understands fully what we are going through. I miss being able to just jump in the car and easily go and do what we wanted to do. Now it involves helping my husband to the car with his walker and putting his walker in and out of the car wherever we go. Since we went to a buffet today, it involved me having to help my husband pick up his food. When I see other couples both in good health I am happy for them. It does make me long for those days when that was true for us also, however.

I know that there is a divine purpose for all that happens in life. I know all things will work for my ultimate good as a child of God. I know I have overflowing blessings in my life, but that does not stop the sadness in my heart when seeing my husband's body deteriorate. It does not stop the sadness about his speech slurring breaking down communication between us. It does not stop the sadness about seeing my husband struggle with balance, mobility, and so many other issues. It does not stop the sadness of me needing to take on more and more responsibilities that used to be my husband's responsibilities in our marriage.

Sometimes people have said things like "you are so strong, or you are a good example of perseverance in your Christian life." I feel somewhat guilty when they say that. I am not strong at all. Were it not for God's grace and strength I would really be falling apart right now. I don't choose or want this role in life at all, but it is the path God has assigned me. I just want to be a "normal" couple.

Lord, give me grace and strength for this role. Lord, others do not really begin to understand what I am going through, but You do, Lord. Thank You for that, Lord. I guess I don't fully understand what others are going through either. Be with them also in their unique struggles. I am sure I do not fully understand what even my husband is going through with his disease. Nor does he understand what I am going through.

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