Love Him for Me


Love Him for Me

I’m going to be a little transparent here. Over the last 20+ years as a partner in my husband’s healthcare, I have had some really bad days. I mean there were times when I thought I wouldn’t be able to take it anymore. I totally understand why there is a high divorce rate in marriages where there is a chronic illness. Marriage is difficult enough all on its own. Divorce was never an option for me and I’m glad today that I hung in there until I was mature enough to develop some emotional fortitude.

It was evident very early in our marriage that things would be different for us. We fell in love like most people do and moved quickly to create a life together. I’m sure there were some that had doubts about whether it would work out for us but we never doubted for a second, and we never looked back.

I was a young 20 something and didn’t really understand the seriousness of juvenile diabetes or high blood pressure. I knew my husband seemed to have them both under control and even though there were red flags everywhere I had no idea whatsoever about what was about to happen.

Over time I noticed his moods fluctuated with his blood pressure. When his blood pressure was high he became irritable and unreasonable. It was an emotional roller coaster for all of us. The great blessing of our life was that we were devout Christians. We attended church regularly and there we were part of a community of believers that invested in our relationship and in our family. We were surrounded by people who loved us enough to show up in our marriage when we needed them. They would take Emanuel for rides and talk to him about taking his medication consistently. Others would talk to me about how to pray and be patient with him when he wasn’t feeling well. Everything they did to encourage us helped. I didn’t waste one bit of advice. Still, it was increasingly difficult to not feel like a victim of my circumstance.

 I was getting weary.

After hundreds of hospitalizations, transplant surgery, brain tumor, strokes and too many adverse reactions to medications to count, my patience started to wear thin. Nothing I used to do was working so I began to pray. I mean really pray because I had run out of my own ideas about what to do. I remember like a child, speaking to God and saying “The husband you gave me is broken” In my mind, it was like I knew my husband was a gift to me and God only gives me good gifts, but my husband was broken and I couldn’t fix him. I wasn’t sure what to do except to go back to the one that created him and ask for help. The answer I received that day has shaped my heart to care for my husband every day since.

He said “Love him for me.”

I knew that we are the hands and feet of Jesus. I knew that if I was going to make it in the marriage with this husband, I would have to find a new level of love and a new level of patience and a new level of grace. I didn’t know it at the time but things were about to get more complicated for us as a couple. We didn’t have the benefit of a support group at the time so I felt so much uncertainty. I didn’t like talking to people about what was going on because I felt like they couldn’t relate anymore. I was in uncharted territory and I started to become isolated.  I rarely saw any marriages that looked like mine and that frustrated me. Today it’s one of the things I am most proud of. Nobody can take credit for what God has done in our lives. I had to learn to go to God each and every time I needed to know how to be a better wife to this husband. I know now that I have a special anointing to share this life with him and that includes the good and the bad times. We live our marriage vows every day. I get to be Mrs. Robertson and I tell him I choose to be here and that blesses him.

Life does not often turn out like it does in the movies and we don’t know what in store tomorrow but today and most days we choose to be happy.

Here are some of the lessons I learned.

  1. I learned that God can speak to me. Like the song says “He knows my name, he knows my every thought, he sees each tear I cry and hears me when I call”

  2. I learned that God loves my husband more than I do and he loves me too.

  3. I learned that I can be used by God to be a blessing to my husband and to minister to him.

  4. I learned that God has blessings for me also, as I live my life according to his Will and his plan.

  5. I learned that love really is patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and Self-control.

  6. I learned that whenever I felt I was running out of love for my husband God could give me a fresh supply if I asked.

My husband is a wonderful person. Before he got sick he was an automobile mechanic. After his illness he served for years as a hospital chaplain. Even today from his hospital room he walks down the hall speaking to people and encouraging them not to give up.

Over the last 29 years of marriage there were many things I have learned that helps me to remain connected or helps me to keep going. But nothing has been more meaningful to me as when God said “Love him for me.”

Like this article? Share on social