Loving My Dad


Loving My Dad

I am providing Respite Care in my home now for my Dad. It's not that Wife couldn't be a good caregiver, but she is realizing she can't physically or emotionally do what needs to happen for my Dad right now. It will be an overwhelming process for her to lose him unless she takes time now to get some rest.

I returned home Monday from San Francisco after missing my flight during the snow delays in Chicago. The NCC was a wonderful time to meet with online friends, meet new folks and participate in seminars that provide challenges with helps to make me a better caregiver. The Exhibitors provided services and products to consider while caregiving or mentoring caregivers! I was able to share my overwhelming positive experience with a caregiving vendor we had used for Elly's last weeks!

Monday night I met with my sisters to discuss how my Dad was doing and the status of Wife. It was not hard to understand that change would need to happen ASAP! Hospice was looking at a nursing home stay for a 5 day respite. There were no beds available so when I called the social worker, he was happy for the offer I made to have Dad come to our home. This would allow an open ended situation and not a strict 5 day stay. AwesomeHubby was on board with having Dad. I got my Dad and Wife's blessing for the move. I worked Tuesday, arranged to be off for the rest of the month, Dad's arrangements and move were accomplished Wednesday.

There are so many dynamics to deal with, tenderly and with a sense of boundaries. I feel like as good as this is for them, it's also very difficult and I think there may be some resentment. It's Friday, it seems like maybe there is a problem getting into a rhythm that they both need. It's not for me to figure out but maybe like a dance that I can help to support. We do not have a house phone, just our cell phones so Dad uses my cell phone to call or get calls from Wife. This morning's call from Wife at 5:30am was waaaay too early but my cheerful voice made the reading of scripture and prayers possible for them. I reminded myself that I didn't have to go to work but will be able to rest some part of today to catch up!

Dad was ready to talk after I got my breakfast smoothie made and AH left for work. He asked me, "Is there anything you want to know about me, your dad?" His sister has come a couple of times to visit and she has wanted to know more about her dad since she is much younger and didn't know her dad for as long. We talked a bit about family things then he was ready to be changed. Today, he had a lot of trouble rolling over for me and was exhausted. I lotioned his hands and feet and then he was ready for a nap. Wife called but he was still sleeping so I said she could call back later.

There will be more difficult conversations if Dad is expected to move home. Hospice has evaluated the situation and was quick for Dad to removed from his situation. I heard the same concerns from Hospice as I had from the sister conversations we were having. I pray that we can continue in this loving, respectful supportive way for Dad and Wife.

Christmas plans are being re-negotiated due to another caregiving experience. AH has a half-brother who became a double amputee this summer. He has a few fingers left on his hands. His story was Diabetes and a life long struggle to care for himself. He is on peritoneal dialysis (daily) and lives a good 30-45 minutes away from us. He will be having some surgery, skin grafts + work on remaining fingers before Christmas. The family anticipates him still being in the hospital through the holidays so we may be attending events or not depending on what our caregiving situation looks like. I am hoping our kids will still come from San Diego for Christmas Eve, so we can all be together, at least our own little family!

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With everything going on in your life, I'm astounded you have the time to give such a comprehensive report about it. You amaze me! I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

Lillie Fuller

Love and prayers!


Wow, you have a lot going on right now in your world. I was moved by your ability to see the relationship between dad and wife as something that you will nurture during this difficult time for them and you. It takes a very strong person to see all the relationships that their caree has, and to be respectful. That was one of the lessons I feel so very blessed to learn during my caregiving journey, so your note touched my heart and reminded me of this. Thank you for that. xoxo