Making the Right Decisions

Thedogmama

Making the Right Decisions

Thedogmama
What a hard couple of days... Watching Mom be in so much pain, making the decision to put her on hospice, calling my kids to tell them to come see their grandmother, comforting them when they are so distraught, trying to take small breaks for myself with hubby to bring a nugget of normalcy into our lives. I keep the note our doctor wrote on a prescription on my refrigerator to read when I need it.

It says:
1. You can't make any mistakes.
2. You can say "no."
3. Common sense prevails.

It is 7:30 a.m. I have barely slept, the heaviness in my heart keeping me awake most of the night. We are in the slow process of weaning Mom off her extended release pain medication and onto a different liquid pain med. Last night I gave her the liquid, but she was unable to sip from a straw and I had to roll her, prop her up and give her the pills rectally. This morning she is not restless, barely opening her eyes. I gave her the liquid without choking her, but I am watching her to see if the pain is bothering her. Half of me wants to move her, roll her and give her the pills rectally. The other half thinks I should leave her alone, not move her and let her sleep. This is such an alone time, making life decisions for my mother. I guess since I am sitting here instead of upstairs I have made the decision. I am not disturbing her to give her the pills. The nurse will be here today, Mom is sleeping, it is a decision I can change. But for now...it stands.

It is interesting how much you can be torn. You wish for their peace, yet you want them to live, to be the person they were maybe years ago. When we finally got her up a little yesterday, she was unable to swallow her scrambled egg. It was like she forgot how to swallow. She would chew and then move the food to her cheek. Bless the HHA who has seen this before. She stopped feeding her and fished the food out of her mouth so she wouldn't choke. So now it has been about a day where she hasn't had any food and very little fluids.

You know in your brain what you do will be hard, but your heart soon realizes it is much, much harder.

Like this article? Share on social

7 Comments

Sign in to comment

Thedogmama

Thank you all for your thoughts at this time. We seem to have gotten her pain more under control, but tonight I am dealing with wakefulness. It has been hours and she still has not fallen asleep for the night. Although I did not want to give her more of the anti anxiety medicine the doctor ordered, I am thinking about doing it so we both get a little rest tonight. The peaceful quiet of today has morphed into a fretting restless evening. \r\n…it is now 11pm. I gave up. She at least is able to swallow a pill tonight (an improvement) so I have just given her a dose of Ativan. Hopefully she will settle down and sleep now. This website is such a comfort, thank you all for being there and providing comfort and caring and ((HUGS)) when needed.

LilMagill

My heart goes out to you, TDM.

EllysGdaughter

Dear TDM, You are heading down the finish line with your Mom :) She would tell you how wonderfully you have cared for her if she could. This is really an alone time as I have experienced carees \"sleep\" a lot but really they are just preparing for the next part of their journey. I too love the Dr.'s prescription! It is so true!!! Lots of (((HUGS))) during these difficult days! Your decisions are so right!!

Morgan

Dear TDM-\r\nI am sorry to hear about your experience. My husband's grandmother went through a very similar time prior to her passing a couple years ago and it was difficult for all. \r\n\r\nA tip: You might speak with her provider in regards to the liquid pain medicine. It should be able to be absorbed under the tongue and not need to be actually \"swallowed\" to be effective. They also make pain patches if you'd be more comfortable with those.\r\n\r\nWishing you peace in your time of difficulty.

Dee

My heart goes out to you. As i read your post, I'm having a hard time keeping the tears at bay. I'm so sorry you're going through such a painful time.

See more comments