Mom's in the Hospital Again

Desiree

Mom's in the Hospital Again

Desiree
stormy-sky-183576_640My mom had bypass surgery on her left leg about ten days ago. It was supposed to restore the blood flow to her leg and foot, to relieve the constant pain and swelling. It was these issues which led to her diagnosis of kidney failure two years ago. Two years of  dialysis, pain, repeated hospitalizations, dementia, decline. Not to mention what it's done to my dad.

She was released to go home three days after. She looked and felt much better. Her foot was getting pink again, the swelling was going down slowly but steadily. Walking hurt of course but she was willing to get up and try several times a day for brief periods.

Her follow-up appointment was today. And my dad called a while ago to tell me that she'd been sent straight to the hospital. The circulation in her leg had severely diminished, her foot had no pulse at all. At the time Dad called, she'd been in surgery for three hours already. They don't know yet what went wrong or how to deal with it.

I have to try to be positive, to keep hope. But it's getting so damn hard. I came to the realization tonight, that if I am ever diagnosed with renal failure, I'd just ask to be put on hospice care immediately. I never, ever, want to suffer the way she has, or put my family through the sort of torment we have endured. I'd never end my life. It's very much against my beliefs. But I'm damned if I would want to struggle to hang on to the kind of existence she has now, has had for two long years.

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Desiree

My God I wish I could cry. I feel like I really need it. But the tears just won't come. Maybe because my stomach is in knots. \r\nBlessed Virgin, please pray for my parents. Please pray for me.

MikeLur

Wow, Desiree, I feel for you and your family. Such difficult decisions. From your words, I know you're battered, but strong. I admire your resolve. I hope all works out for the best and your Mom keeps fighting. Bless you all.

Desiree

Update-\r\nI went to see Mom this morning. She's in the ICU of course. Dad was also there, and we stepped out into the hall to talk.\r\nMom was in surgery for eight hours last night. The bypass was entirely blocked by plaque. The blockage was cleared out, a very long and delicate process. Given how short a time it took to be completely blocked before, her doctors consider this to be a temporary thing, meant to buy her a little time in which to make a very hard choice.\r\nAnd the choices are these. 1) she has her left leg amputated, and continues with the dialysis. Or, 2) she keeps the leg, discontinues dialysis, and goes into hospice care immediately.\r\n\r\nI saw her left foot and leg. They already look very bad. Almost gangrenous. Keeping them would render dialysis absolutely useless. Removing them would, I believe, prove to be the final defeat, the thing that at last breaks her heart and spirit beyond any hope of recovery. In my deepest heart, I hope she and Dad opt for the hospice care. But what I said was, no matter what they decide, I will support them. Mom might not in fact be capable of deciding. It would depend upon how lucid she is, or is not. In which case my Dad will need all the support I can offer him.