Mom's in the Hospital Again

Desiree

Mom's in the Hospital Again

Desiree
stormy-sky-183576_640My mom had bypass surgery on her left leg about ten days ago. It was supposed to restore the blood flow to her leg and foot, to relieve the constant pain and swelling. It was these issues which led to her diagnosis of kidney failure two years ago. Two years of  dialysis, pain, repeated hospitalizations, dementia, decline. Not to mention what it's done to my dad.

She was released to go home three days after. She looked and felt much better. Her foot was getting pink again, the swelling was going down slowly but steadily. Walking hurt of course but she was willing to get up and try several times a day for brief periods.

Her follow-up appointment was today. And my dad called a while ago to tell me that she'd been sent straight to the hospital. The circulation in her leg had severely diminished, her foot had no pulse at all. At the time Dad called, she'd been in surgery for three hours already. They don't know yet what went wrong or how to deal with it.

I have to try to be positive, to keep hope. But it's getting so damn hard. I came to the realization tonight, that if I am ever diagnosed with renal failure, I'd just ask to be put on hospice care immediately. I never, ever, want to suffer the way she has, or put my family through the sort of torment we have endured. I'd never end my life. It's very much against my beliefs. But I'm damned if I would want to struggle to hang on to the kind of existence she has now, has had for two long years.