Monster Under the Bed
Monster Under the Bed
I wanted to hang my leg off the side of the bed at night when I was trying to get to sleep, but... I just couldn't do it.
I know he's there. He's not fooling me. Every time I look over the edge of the bed, he hides. He's awfully good at hiding. But I know he's there just waiting, waiting for my leg to come over the edge. Watching for my toes so he can nibble them off. Staying just out of my sight so that at any moment, he can drag me under the bed.
Thank goodness Momma had Monster spray that she used around my bed at night. You know, the good-smelly spray that kept the monsters away. I would sleep so good then. That was a long tome ago and I’ve faced and conquered that childhood fear. I can dangle my leg over the edge of my bed now with no worries!
I think we all have some kind of “Monster under the Bed” fear. Thinking about my Momma’s death was mine. And I guess more than her death was the incredibly paralyzing fear of the ending of our relationship. There’s not any magic monster spray for getting rid of that fear.
Sometimes my fear would grab hold of me and run away with my imagination. And I’d go with it to places I didn't want to go. I’d make up frightening stories and rehearse and replay them in my mind until I was terrified. I was afraid because I was thinking about the future and what might happen instead of focusing on the here-and-now and what I could do with this moment. Pay attention to the present. Don't be frozen by fear. Fear is immobilizing, but love is energizing.
I decided to starve my fear and feed my love. I took action. I spent time with Momma. I told her how much I loved her. I showed her I loved her. I thanked her. I focused on the fact that my relationship and connection with her could never die. I stayed in the moment.
These things made me feel more connected and helped lessen the fear. When I brought to mind the influence she had on my life, the fear of losing her decreased. Not the sadness or the emptiness of actually losing her, but at least, the fear. It was almost like I had just spritzed my fear monster with some industrial strength Monster-be-Gone spray.
Momma went home, but the unbreakable bond between the two of us and her influence in my life goes on past death, in my memories, my prayers, my feelings and my thoughts about her. My relationship with her lives on. What I have with her now has definitely changed, but I find myself making new meaning with it. This makes all the difference in how I feel.
Be connected by the love instead of immobilized by the fear of saying good-bye.
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