Moved In but Neither of Us is Happy

CatKBorn

Moved In but Neither of Us is Happy

CatKBorn
Today the hospital released Mom directly to the care facility.

The good news is the pneumonia is better & she's eating again -- the pureed diet is manageable for her.

The better news is that she stayed in the hospital long enough for Medicare to cover the transfer costs, etc.

The best news is that she was able to go directly into the greenhouse project home and not have to wait 4 to 6 months for space to open up while in a sem-private institutional room. If you are not familiar with a greenhouse project home, here's a link: https://www.thegreenhouseproject.org/

This is the way senior living SHOULD be for everyone.

All that said - great place, blah, blah... she's not happy and I'm not happy.

The panic in her face when I left the hospital each night, the panic tonight when I told her I had to go back to work tomorrow.... How is this right? How is this fair to her?

Now I know that many, MANY, people on various support groups and such have said not to visit for days, or even a week. So I talked to the facility about that - to their social worker and DON - and they do not recommend that at all. In their experience, leaving the elder to fend for themself for days only increases the feelings of depression and abandonment. That makes sense to me.

If I start crying, I'm not going to be able to stop.

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Lynette Whiteman

I can relate to this so much Cat. It's so hard to leave someone so vulnerable under the care of others, especially when you see that look of panic. I say go with your gut and visit her when it seems right to you and not on the advice of others who don't know you or your mom. Best of luck going forward. I truly hope the adjustment period goes smoothly and quickly without major angst and sadness. Hugs coming your way.

jan

Hi, I can truly understand why you would be upset by seeing your mom this way each time you leave her. \r\nNeither of you signed up for this, and you gave her everything you could give her at home. You gave enough.\r\nIf you can. try to remember that things being \"right\" or \"fair\" mean they meet some standard, or fail to. The big picture is that she will now have full-time care that you do not have to provide. Hopefully, this will be good for both of you. Try not to lose sight of what's best for her and you, not what's best compared to other people or when she was well and on her own. You have given her a great opportunity.\r\nMy comfort when I left my mom each time in the facility was reminding myself she didn't remember that I was there or for how long or how often. She wouldn't remember. I didn't fail her. You didn't fail your mother, either.

CathyJ

So sorry Cat. Hugs