My Heart Hurts


My Heart Hurts

broken heartRight now, I am sitting here and my heart hurts. My heart hurts because I am the only child of my mother's who takes any responsibility to make decisions or help her make decisions about her care. I am the child for whom my parents did the least.

There is the missionary family to whom my parents sent money, supplies and equipment. My parents handled their affairs here in the states while they did their "mission" overseas. My parents traveled all over the U.S. to stay with their kids while they were on speaking tours. My parents traveled to their country to visit them.

There is the family in Georgia whom my parents visited at least four times a year and for extended stays to provide help and child care. My dad put an addition on their house and probably many other things that I do not know about.

There are the two daughters within an hours drive for whom my mother kept their children for any number of reasons. My parents helped them financially. My parents DID for their kids and who is there for Mom?

The comment from my brother that Dad went the best way (within a month of diagnosis) hurts, hurts, hurt. Perhaps I have not forgiven. I want them to think about what it will be like when she is not here to answer one of their rare, fake, superficial phone-calls. B.S.

Sometimes when the bank closes, the handyman is gone, and the babysitter is no longer needed, you find out what people are really like. They are done with you!

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Jenn, I read your blogs and comments_mysql and my heart goes out to you. I so wish you had more support. It's really hard when others let you down and don't understand what it is like for you. \r\n\r\nI sometimes get frustrated when I think about how I quit my job and moved the 250 miles back to the farm to help care for my dad before he died. I spent all my saving and then borrowed money to keep up my Cobra and to keep my car running. I never bounced back financially or professionally. Then I choose to move in with P & his mom, and took care of her and we are basically scrimping to survive. I'll see how my sisters have good jobs and are financially comfortable, taking vacations, etc. But then I think about the cherished memories I had in those last days with my dad, I would do it all over again.


Dear Jenn,\r\nI am sorry to hear about your pain. I truly hope that connecting with other caregivers on this site can give you some solace and peace in your heart. I have found it very helpful and enjoy reading what others write. I would love for you to be able to connect with someone who can help you with ideas for coping and improving your own wellness.