Never Be Too Complacent


Never Be Too Complacent

So, if you read any of my stuff you know I am willing to bust myself out and take it on the chin.

For a really long time, I have been basking in the sunshine of my husband's fairly good mood and lack of rudeness. My husband has frontotemporal dementia which is often known for the behavior variants that are unpleasant, mean-spirited, aloof, etc. My husband's first symptoms that got our attention had to do with gait instability, falling, a type of palsy, etc.

Over time I realized that he probably had already gone through the behavioral variant because he was such a difficult person for a long time. I had decided he was just naturally an unpleasant and uncaring person. I would have divorced him but just could not get up the emotional energy to go through with a divorce.

Then the physical stuff started happening and maybe two years later we had a diagnosis and I educated myself, joined this site and learned about FTD. One day I had the bright and not original thought that the unpleasant man I knew was probably already symptomatic with FTD. As the physical symptoms worsened and there were visits to the nursing home, hospitalizations, etc. he mellowed and I mellowed and our relationship improved dramatically.

I often chatted about the amazement of our relationship, challenges of the lack of mobility, etc. But I took a great deal of pride and comfort in having survived the nasty times and thought I they were behind us.

I wish I knew how long we have been in this caregiving and taking the journey business. I could look up medical records but I know enough to know it has been awhile. Adding prediagnosis it has been a long time. We are both weary and I have been sick with seasonal stuff for awhile so my patience and kindness are a bit tattered. Money is short and life is real.

We have been approved for an aide to come in 5 days a week and help Robert and give me some relief. Over the course of us gaining the approval Robert's behavior has been changing. Snappy. Demanding. Belittling. Not awful stuff but enough to have gotten on my one last nerve. And, yes, I know he is the caree and I am the caregiver, but....

Well, humility is at the door. My husband is having a difficult time sleeping. He thinks he has a cold. He is uncomfortable and grouchy. Guess who is taking a steroid and an antibiotic (shot and pills) for a sinus infection and has been grouchy and less, far less, than gracious. You guessed it. Me? Oh, I hate the taste of humble pie. It is so dry and flavorless.

Dang it! I was on a roll too. Ready to present a new manifestation of revived behavioral variant symptoms and take my licks for having behaved a bit smug about how calm things have been around this place.

Shoot!! Rob the drama from the drama queen. Not cool. Not cool at all.

Chapter 1, 001 of our caregiving journey just came to an abrupt halt or thud would be more like it.

I am going to look for cough medicine and see if my humbled self can proceed with humility.

&*^%$ ....steal my steam....*&^%$....just when I was on a roll...SIGH!

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Lark, thank you as always for sharing your journey with us. You make me smile, nod my head in agreement, cry, relate, feel comfort and are gift with words brings the reality of the caregiving journey to life. It is not easy and we are human...and we get sick and tired...and still manage to move through it all. Even when we have to take a bit of that awful tasting humble pie...hope you both feel better soon..this seasonal stuff is not fun.