Not A People Person

CatKBorn

Not A People Person

CatKBorn
I am so NOT people person. I am a loner. I grew up an only child with asthma so running and playing was limited. I sat on the sidelines a lot and read books. I need time by myself. Totally by myself, preferably in the woods. It's how I recharge. I don't like being around people all the time, I can't cope without alone time. And trees.

I no longer have alone time. Or trees.

I work in an office 8 to 5, well not an office -- a cubicle. There are no doors to close. No escape except the 45 minutes I manage for lunch on the off-day when I don't have to run an errand or six.

I come home and have no peace. None. Followed everywhere. Pestered constantly to do this or that RIGHT NOW without a minute to breathe.

Tried to find a Tai Chi class as I find that to be very entering and calming. Not offered any more. And of course I can't find the old VHS tape I had - so I can replace it with a DVD version. Can't do yoga due to problems with a knee and my feet cramping up constantly.

Came home again today to peanut butter everywhere. Had put a small, manageable container for her in the cupboard BIG sign that it was hers. Put the lid tight on the actual jar of peanut butter. Nope. Large jar was half empty from being scooped out with her fingers, small container untouched. Peanut butter all over everything inside of the cabinet. Lid off of the marshmallow cream. Jar of Tahini in the 'fridge. Peanut butter all over the stove, the counter but at least not the floor this time. Had to throw the large jar out because she she will NOT wash her hands even after going to the bathroom it was no longer safe to eat.

Talked to Home Instead Senior Care on Wednesday evening. Had to battle her yelling NO! every few minutes. They can set up coming in two days a week for three hours at a time (requires 3 hours in order get the lower hourly rate of $21.50) but don't see how we can afford over $500 a month. Want to use an agency so that anyone coming into my home has been background checked, bonded and insured. She has too much money in the bank to get Medicaid services, can't afford private pay services. She has more money in the bank than I do but if one of us gets sick we need to have money to pay bills. So take a risk and pay for care two days a week or play it safe and I continue to suffer.

I talked to a behavioral health professional this week too. No matter how much I hear that I'm doing everything right, etc. I don't feel as though I am. I'm angry all the time. My shoulders are painfully tight. I'm gaining weight 'cuz I am stress eating. But I am not "bad enough" to warrant meds for me - and the side effects scare me. I'm coping. To which I am inclined to yell: LIKE HELL I AM

 

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CatKBorn

If we didn't already have six cats in this house there would be a puppy in a heartbeat. Thank God for dogs! Do you rent yours out? Kitties will eat the crumbs she drops from her sandwiches but peanut butter on their whiskers? Ewwww!\r\n\r\nYes, I have gone through all the free and free-ish services around here, we just aren't there yet in terms of support (i.e. nursing) needs. I feel as though we are in this middle/hole spot - in need of help but not badly enough to qualify for help (even if the money thing weren't an issue). I have POA for both financial and medical. At this point the lawyer says that's all we need. Don't have the SS payee function yet but it's coming probably by the end of the year I would expect.\r\n\r\nActually yes, I can afford (now) to cover the household payments - it's awfully tight but can be done. Still one roof leak away from disaster but not one mortgage payment away so getting out of retail was good in that regard. The whole guy-I-now-work-for-is-a-bully thing though isn't helping my peace of mind. \r\n\r\nNext jar of peanut butter goes in the basement pantry... the one for me at any rate.

Lark

Home Instead is a great company. Someone came twice a week for four hours at a time for my mom. She loved them. We loved them. I have a friend who uses them in California and we use them in North Carolina and the level of professionalism is consistent. They hung with mom, helped her with a bath, took her shopping, made her breakfast, etc. It really is up to you and your loved one how the time is spent. The company is exceptionally centered on excellence, listening to the customer and adapting to your needs. I cannot say enough good things about them. Mom, my sister and myself all feel the same way. \r\nAs far as your pent up feelings and wondering if you can maintain sanity. I totally relate. I have always been known as an exceptionally strong woman so when I fall off that pedestal others find it surprising. They generally assume I have things handled unless I say otherwise. I have come close to two nervous breakdowns over this long haul. I am so grateful for this site. I can come unglued and people get it.\r\nHey, why can't home instead come in the evening and give you some time off on two days of the week. wouldn't that be great for you? They are worth every penney.

Roaring Mouse

I don't know where you live but try checking in with these two organizations: your local Area on Aging and your local Center for Independent Living or Independent Living Center which can be found via NCIL.org. Hang in there...even when you think help isn't there...it is!