Now, It's Mom

Sue

Now, It's Mom

Sue
sea-glass-113053_640Well, it has been a while since I’ve actively posted here although I do “lurk” quite often.

I am visiting my mom today, who was put into hospice in late January when she decided to stop taking Tamoxifen for her cancer. She was in the hospital for a few days before that for an infection and has gone down hill quickly. She has been on morphine since then and has now started losing her cognitive function and has tremors. The nurse said it was the morphine so she is now trying to go with only one a day instead of two. This morning she is having problems remembering how to dial her cell phone and I had to write checks to pay her bills because her tremors make it impossible for to write or sign her name. She is worn out. She is miserable. In all honesty she is ready to be done and I totally get it. So, what to do? My sister who is her primary caregiver has basically burnt out. I feel helpless and frustrated and depressed.

I just wish that things were quick and painless rather than drawn out and full of suffering. I feel like we just went through this with my dad (even though he died over a year ago) and none of us is ready to go through it again.

Sorry to be totally negative. But that is the way I am feeling currently.

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Shirl

Sometimes the hardest part of caregiving is what it does to our feelings and personalities. At one point I had to be determined not to take anti depressants just because my outlook was so bleak. This is a wonderful site, as it might possibly be the only place one will find support and understanding; I never found had support. Just know that it is a safe place where you can share feelings, and that helps so much. \r\nNever worry about being negative, and you may have to avoid those who seem to make you feel worse. This is such a difficult walk, and it makes me hurt for you. You are there for your Mother, and she is reassured by this. Prayers and a caring group is there for you. Makes me recall so many hospital visits, bad news, and the sadness of knowing there could never be a good outcome. I hope the very best for you, so please continue to share.

jan

Losing your dad over a year ago is still very recent, and my heart goes out to you. You've earned the right to be negative or anything else you're feeling right now. I support you in the endlessness and the mystery. You are doing everything you can do, and everything right. Thank you for taking the time out of your intense day to share your experience with us.

Hansolosgirl

It is so hard. I care for my sister-in-law who's on hospice since January. I too have had experance with hospice, but it was grandma 6 years ago...yet it feels very fresh. I, like your sister, am burnt out. I am just letting it ride. I thought when we chose hospice it would be quick, but things come in their own time. Praying for your family at this time and that your mom finds peace in her time here. Know you are not alone.

Denise

Hi Sue--I'm so glad to hear from you! I was thinking of you the other day. \r\n\r\nIt's all just exhausting--I can understand why your sister is burnt and you're depressed. All this requires so much emotional fortitude that it can be hard to find that energy. \r\n\r\nI wonder about suffering, too. I'm just searching for the answer.\r\n\r\nYou are doing the right things--being with her, taking care of her. Your love and care are huge helps. Your mom feels it and it brings her comfort. \r\n\r\nKeep us posted as you can.