Oblivia...

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Oblivia...

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bath-tub-with-bubbles-mdMy hanai (calabash) sister and I have a special place, Oblivia. It's our "calgon" haven in our most challenging moments/days.

Lately, I've been emotionally taking myself to Oblivia. We've had a very busy past couple of weeks with Father's Day and preparing for my great-nephews 1st birthday party, which was this past Saturday.

Through it all, my responsibilities were still.... MY responsibilities. The were a few individuals who genuinely understood the position that I placed myself in. And although I tried reaching out for help, everyone was just too busy. That didn't stop me from losing sleep days up until the party and still dragging my exhausted self to do the things I needed to. In addition to caring for my mom, my brother seems to have slowly gotten comfortable with checking in on my dad whenever he is "able" to.

That leaves my husband and I back to square one, caring for both my parents so everyone else can live their lives. When will they ever get it?!?! This is not a matter of convenience, especially if you're utilizing all his means of support to financially support your family. My little family that consists of my four-year-old daughter, my husband and myself have recently moved to Washington, this after living in Nevada for about a year. We moved from Hawaii to Nevada in 2012 because I  reached that point where I could no longer handle caring for my father. My dad is very old school, my brother (deceased) and I used to always joke that my dad was 1st Counselor at the Round Table of Old School. :-) So many of my daily challenges was just him picking at every and anything that he could pick at. It always escalated to the point of name calling (mainly directed at me), throwing things, just making the tension in our home unbearable.

I didn't want to raise my daughter around this so we moved to Nevada, taking my mom with us. This past Thanksgiving, they visited us, and it was a heartbreaking farewell. Long story short, this is what brought us to Marysville, Wash. My husband wanted us to bring my mom closer to my dad because of their old age and to keep them happy for as long as our heavenly Father allows.

All my fears and apprehensions have come true. I know I am babbling at this point, but.... I just want to know! When do I get to OBLIVIA! I have no regrets about the things I need to do, day in and day out. Maybe it's just been a long day. Sorry if none of this makes any sense!

All I know is I can conclude this post with this, I feel so much better. :') Have a great evening and a better tomorrow.

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Sue

I can really relate to your predicament. My oldest sister lives about 40 minutes from my parents and she has taken on primary caregiving responsibilities, going so far as to retire to do it. My second oldest sister lives about 20 minutes away and has \"dropped by\" a few times in the past year. Despite being told my dad has been placed in hospice and my mom is living on her own and hiring someone to drive her to where my dad is currently staying, she has not offered to come by and take my mom or even take her shopping or anything else. My brother (next oldest) lives about 30 minutes away, but doesn't have a car or income, so he makes it over when there is hopes of making some money (my mom pays him for helping to do things around the house to try to help my sister). Other than that, he doesn't come over. I live about three hours away and I have been going down or having my mom come up here every weekend since I've been done with school (I teach) and will continue to do so until the end of my summer break. I am doing this as much for my oldest sister as I am for my parents...\r\nIt is frustrating to think that others can't consider that even if they can't help out continuously, offering to do things every once in a while or in times of crisis or busyness would be really helpful. I am sorry that your family is not more helpful. Wish I had advice, but I just really have empathy...

Denise

Hi--I was sooo glad that you posted and somehow it's now two days later. I'm so sorry I'm so slow to leave a reply.\r\n\r\nI'm not sure why others can't share the caregiving responsibilities. Even if, for whatever reason, they found it difficult to help your parents, surely they can help you? I just can't understand it.\r\n\r\nHow are you feeling today? What have you planned for yourself for this weekend? :)