Okay Here Goes!

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Okay Here Goes!

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steam-484572_640(Editor's Note: We welcome @inthenameoflove to our blogging team today. Be sure to connect with him when you have a chance.)

First off let me thank the people that run this site, and giving us all a place to turn to.

Years ago, my father married a sweet lady, although she was not my biological mother she grew to become the only mom that I would ever truly know. Even after her marriage to my father ended, we stayed in touch as much as possible through the years. She had three daughters also from a previous marriage, and was a very kind woman. She also had many siblings, two brothers and four sisters. I am thrust into something of the role of caregiver for one of the four sisters. I share her home and pay rent here. In January of 2014, having returned from living out west with my then wife, I was asked to stay a few nights to just be of company to this lady because of being somewhat family, and the fact of she being fearful of being totally alone (due to illness). I agreed after a previous visit or two.

Then in 2014, what became a night or so turned into moving in altogether, and in hindsight I'm learning even today what a difficult decision things have turned into. Knowing only of one illness (diabetes type 2), and assuming it was well managed and under control but later discovering it was merely the tip of the iceberg with myriad conditions, symptoms, behaviors all wrapped together into a roller coaster ride that was just starting to pull and creep up the chain, then plummet into the very depths of human loss and despair, and test the very limits of how far a persons body and heart can truly endure. It is a story that hard to fathom at times indeed.

After first moving in here, things were simple enough in day to day dealings with this lady having most of her faculties. But in her conversations with me, I began to notice that the events of trauma of many years ago (she's 75) were as vivid as yesterday, and she had not been able to heal at all, and was reliving over and time again. Poor thing had not had any coping at all. She was put on Prozac way back when people were asking.."What the heck is Prozac"? like 1980 something maybe and is on something for everything to this very day -- for diabetes, asthma, high blood pressure, thyroid, pain relief, sleep aids, UTI, water pills, and I know there is more that I cannot begin to remember. She has two medicine cabinets with nothing but bottles of pills in both of them. She has been hospitalized more times than I'm able to think back and remember on and every time there is something new or worsening. The cost is close to 100 grand a year on pills alone. In laying some of the background to this story, all the meds just seemed like a lot to me, compared to others perhaps it is an average amount? 20 separate prescriptions in all. Some of my own personal issues and problems factor into all of this too, as I was born with cerebral palsy, which limits me not to a great degree but does no less.

When moving in the agreement was that I would pay rent, and care for myself only, but it has turned into exploitation to an extent, because it just has. My question to her and to her real family has been, If she has them who are directly related and all of that, then why am I, the step child, the offspring of a man all these folks would soon forget, having to take care of things? It would not bother me if this woman was kindhearted but she is abrasive and hateful, with no cause to direct it at me. Sure there are tense moments where I've lashed out at her for calling me names or something, or trying to be a reading authority on how I go about my own life, and it's been a real strain on my empathy and compassion for this woman, biting the hand that feeds so to speak. It has just become extremely difficult to care for a woman who says she wants to die at least once a week, or believes she will or could die, and the vain of conversation is always about these host of ailments in a deep cloud of negativeness.

All I've treed to do is help this woman in hopes that she would improve on her own, and find comfort in knowing that she was not totally alone, but what I've learned is that she just seems to want pity, and people to feel bad for her. Most of her illness can be controlled and managed, but she will not listen to the things they tell her to do, and now she has developed congestive heart failure just this past week. In fact she just got out of the hospital yesterday. I strongly believe this woman needs in home health care? Trust me when I say I've only scratched the surface on these issues as they reach far and wide.

Thank you for reading and I welcome feedback from you all. God be with you!

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Inthenameoflove48

almost a year later now, and things have gotten so much worse, it is hard to live..my person has drawn others into this plight of misery, and uses everyone like an emotional vampire..she asserts dignity when it suits her, and tells everyone she needs help..she is very sick yet no one knows what is her problem..

Inthenameoflove48

totally getting hammered by my person today, and it totally blows!! anyone would hate being taken for granted..patience is in short supply, her home health thing looks like it will happen because the lady called, but in the meantime i'm getting it with both barrels over the most mundane of things..i'm so over it!

Inthenameoflove48

thank you for your thoughts she is my step aunt, It is challenge to keep oneself together..when your person can make you feel like you don't matter. It is the illnesses but still doesn't land and any better on the heart.she has a family..but have moved away, and she just will plain refuse their help..or alienate the ones that try to. In a way it's damned if you do..damned if you don't kinda deal..things will work out as God intends and I just pray when all the smoke clears that she will be comfortable with things..take care, have a good day!

Denise

I am soooo glad you are blogging!\r\n\r\nI can only imagine how trapped and frustrated you must feel. It's awful to be swallowed up in a situation that's so challenging and complex.\r\n\r\nWe'll do our best to help.\r\n\r\nA few questions that will better help us help you: Do you know if a family member holds the medical or financial POA for your friend? Do her other relatives visit regularly?\r\n\r\nYou are right that more help is needed. The multiple chronic illnesses are intense and more help is needed.\r\n\r\nAnd, you can bring all her meds to her pharmacist and ask him/her to review. The pharmacist can give insights into the meds and how to discuss the meds with her doctor if any could be eliminated.