Okay, Now I'm Beyond Nervous


Okay, Now I'm Beyond Nervous

As you know, Mom is moving in on Saturday the 29th. I have been of course nervous about all this is going to work, getting more as we get closer. Now though I am MORE than nervous. I am flat out scared.

Mom's PPA is rare, as I've noted, which means there is scant research, no PPA-specific support groups locally and very VERY few books on the subject. But I found one. I read one. And it scared me.

Kimberly Williams-Paisley has written a book about her mother's PPA journey "Where the Light Gets In". Since doctors aren't telling me "boo" about what to expect, and what little I can find to read with clinical details states that it varies from patient to patient and that the logopenic variety (my Mom's) typically has less cognitive decline than the others, I figured this book might help.

Oh it helped all right. The time frame from point of diagnosis is similar to Alzheimer's BUT again varies. Averages seven years. We are in year 3. Ms. Williams-Paisley's mother got violent, had all sorts of incontinence issues, tried to jump out of a moving car, and so on. This is terrifying.

My mother has in the last six months gotten rude, thrown all semblance of manners out the window, has hygiene issues and is pretty much angry all the time. I get that the disease is frustrating to say the least. As bad as it is for me, it has to be worse for her. I get that.

But what scares me now is the whole "what the hell am I getting into"? There's no funding for long-term care. She has no assets. Hell, I have no assets. We will be looking at Medicaid I gather since Medicare doesn't cover long term care and not a whole lot otherwise. There's no funding for home health aides -- and in my HR days I fired a LOT of sketchy home health aides. I have no siblings, no spouse, no children. I have friends and neighbors but hello! they have lives.

Considering trying to find the money to put cameras in the house to check on her via my phone. There's an elder day care I am going to try to suggest to her after she's been here a while and settles in.

I'm worried about her letting my cats out. They are indoor babies -- as is hers. I live on a busy corner. There are dogs in the neighborhood. In the past would never have to worry about anything with the kitties, but she had a lot of scratches on her arms this week from her cat so I have to wonder what she did to the cat to piss Callie off enough to do that? All I could get out of Mom was that Callie was upset. Could she have tried to grab her by the tail as I saw her do to Missy (who's gone now) last year. Missy was old and frail and would never turn on Mom; Callie on the other hand is in her prime, large and pissy by nature. I'm afraid that in this house someone is going to get bit. Could happen, I have two that bite when cornered and upset.

I'm worried about her not being able to lock the door when Good Rides picks her up for Optimists. It's a deadbolt, requires locking with a key, not push a button, turn a thingy. You have to pull the door closed, hold it tight and turn the key.

I'm worried about the general upheaval now more than ever.

We went to the symphony last night. Went reasonably well. BUT the whole day before I had to fend off phone calls starting at 10 a.m. wanting to know why I hadn't picked her up yet. We go to Mass at 5:00 p.m. followed by McDonalds and then the symphony started at 7:30 p.m. Most of the time she doesn't have a problem with telling time. But this is the second time this has happened. Now, pretty sure not going to be as big an issue when she lives here but... still, I'm worried.

Feeling overwhelmed, frightened, worried, stressed and no small amount of depressed.

Thanks, needed to vent.