"Once Upon A Time" Is on Summer Hiatus


"Once Upon A Time" Is on Summer Hiatus

My husband is a gift, and a natural when it comes to dementia. With a creative mind so "out there", he can exist with a small leap in my mother's convoluted, complex world. He tirelessly engages her with joy and enthusiasm. I can take her conversations for about five minutes. I'm such a concrete thinker. Maybe I didn't play enough as a kid. Or read enough Grimm's Fairy Tales. Now I hear all these Alzheimer's patient directives saying, "Don't argue", "Don't be combative" , "Agree with everything the caree says". And I JUST CAN"T DO IT.

My mother takes weekly doses of premarin cream vaginally to prevent UTI's. It has worked out beautifully and I highly recommend it. Every time I give her the filled injector tube, I ask her, "Do you remember how to use this?" Usually she snuffs and looks as though I have just insulted her family's good name and says, "Of course." Recently she said, "I do this all the time in many different ways" and I said, "Well there is only one way to do this so let's be sure." With her decline she thinks she is leaving a lab specimen. We talk once again about how to properly use it. Today she absolutely refused to use it at all. Visions of sugar plums dance in my head. How do I sweeten this dialog with cheerful encouraging non-combative notes?

"You ARE going to use this. I don't CARE if you want to or not. YOU ARE going to use it and stay well."

"Oh no, I'm not doing that. The doctor pushed on my stomach."

"There's no DOCTOR HERE!!! Oh yes, you are doing that, I don't care what you want. This keeps you well, has kept you well for nine months and you ARE doing it. You're going to use this medicine".

Finally I sat down on the bed and used it on myself to show her how to do it. And then helped her to do it to herself, this was great fun. A little bit too much information here and a little bit too much girl-power intimacy, but the job got done and I slammed the door closed.

Now if I knew how to play the insanity mind game better, I could make the door swing both ways in my favor. I could just say to Mom, "Who was that b-atch in here who made you take that medicine? Don't you just hate her?" and then go about my business like a completely different person.

I'm sure my husband was glad to take a rain check on this particular conversation. But I got a free dose of vaginal cream out of the deal and I feel so healthy.


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Thanks for reading my post, Anita. You said it in a nutshell, this business is a whole lot of rhythm and blues, sometimes it's just the blues. Our friends here on the website are great back-up singers!


Jan, your post just made me laugh out loud. \r\n\r\nYou are an amazing story-teller. I'm so glad you tell your stories to us. :)


So glad God made your kind. Life would be so boring with only us fact-checkers and concrete thinkers. Thanks for sharing that, Donna.

Donna Bates

There are times men will fight the caregivers who wanted to place a condom cath for night time comfort. They called me in. Like your husband, I have a knack for nonsense. I walked in the room like Mae West, shoo all the other people out of the room telling them we wanted to be alone, and I wink at the patient. Permission for procedure happens immediately.