One Down, Two To Go


One Down, Two To Go

stairs-921247_640For the past month or so my co-caregiving brother has been working a full-time job. Like myself, he's been uprooted from his life (and wife) and plopped down into our parents' home. I work for myself, from home, wherever "home" may be. Mom and I have been taking care of Dad's needs on his work days and on his days off (Thursday and Friday) he gets to care for Dad. My sister has been coming down to help on Saturdays and leaving on Sundays. I go home Thursday afternoon to work and rest, and return Sunday.

As far as I know, this has been working for everyone, so I was a bit surprised when I heard my brother was planning to return to his home, 750 miles away, in January. No reason given.

Now, if you read my previous post, you'd get an insight into the type of person my brother is. This is the man who made the proclamation that he was "in it for the long haul," no matter how long it takes, whether his wife liked it or not (he helped her care for her mother). He committed his life to helping care for my father. I also overheard him imply that none of us could give care like him and he didn't expect us to  -- us poor, inferior souls. He also said that he didn't think that I would have been present if he were not here (Um. I was the first to arrive).

My brother mentioned his exit to my mother and sister, but still not to me. This makes me wonder what his reasons for leaving really are. Still, it doesn't matter. My energies are going to working out a plan after his exit. I will say goodbye and leave it at that.

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Has your brother spoken to you yet, Mike?\r\n\r\nA family caregiver in a workshop I gave summed it up: It's easy to help on a short-term basis. It's really hard to help during that long, caregiving haul. \r\n\r\nPerhaps that's how it is for your brother. Perhaps he saw his imperfections and vulnerability and that sight was too much. \r\n\r\nEither way, it some ways it makes it easier for her and in other ways it makes it harder.\r\n\r\nI'm so grateful you keep us posted and share your days with us. I hope today brings you much comfort.


Wow Mike. That's pretty much how I feel after reading this. \r\nYou are an amazing man in my books - I hope you recognize that in yourself.\r\nYour brother most likely feels he is an amazing man as well - and I'm sure in his books he is. But in mine, you are.\r\nI still feel a really big WOW thou, with an added shaking of the head motion.