One For All and All For One


One For All and All For One

This caregiver's site is not the right place to be if I want to hold my pity pot close to me. All of these strong women and men writing posts about their life situations and how they are getting through them make my pity pot look more like a pity thimble. What has a girl got to do to hold onto a seriously bummer mood in this place? Rats!

Of course I am being funny (kinda). I have been in a mood that has been building daily. I feel a sorrow that seems to have no bottom and an angst that is not familiar to me. God has a sense of humor. Today at church I received a kind yet no less severe punch right to the heart of  the matter when I ask one of our pastors to pray with me. He asked me several questions, puzzled over them for awhile and we prayed. I left church knowing the mood I felt building inside me was of my own making. I know that I am doing exactly what God wants me to be doing by being a caregiver to my husband. I know I want to be a caregiver for my husband and that it is important to me. I want to do the best that I can and enjoy any time I have with him. I am, by now, fully aware of how challenging and yet rewarding it can be to take care of a loved one day in and day out.  I had gotten tangled up in the difficult part of caregiving. I began to feel lonely and invisible. Like a moth drawn to a flame I was drawn to the growing unrest and resentments I felt. I knew, after church, that what I wanted and what I was allowing were two different things. I had a choice:  Be who I am called and want to be to my husband or allow the tough times to warp me into someone I do not like nor want to become.

I made a conscious decision, yet again, that I want to be content and happy with the task of being a caregiver to my husband. I realize that sounds good but is not easy to achieve. But, I have such powerful examples of purposeful caregiving in the men and women who share on the caregiving site. I hear honest sharing that does not hide the truth about how difficult this journey can be and I hear the hearts of love as one after the other shares how they manage and even thrive in their role as caregiver. I lost my way when I let myself stare at the losses I decided I was suffering. It is easy to go down that path of self obsession.

I know this is not a religious site and my intent is not to offend anyone but to simply state my reality.  I cannot overcome the  powerful pull of a negative, destructive mindset without God's grace in my life.  With God's grace I can be content and happy on this journey my husband I are on together. I know today that I can choose to allow God and my fellow caregivers to fill up the lonely places in my heart and to soothe me when the sorrow and pain are more than I can carry by myself. I do not have to allow myself to become angry, fearful and full of resentments. I can be the woman I want to be and I can pass it on as I share in the chats.


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{{HUGS}}\r\n\r\nThe thing about the pity pot and this website is quite simple, I think: we're allowed to carry our pity pots here. We can scream and cry and rant and feel sorry for ourselves and grieve what we've given up. All that because we aren't alone here. No one's pity pot is any better, bigger, smaller, moe or less colorful than anyone else's. And that's what I like about this place. You people \"get it\". \r\n\r\nWhether we've made conscious choices to take on this life or felt that we had no choice (which is where I am) we're all here facing similar difficulties, emotions, roadblocks, etc.\r\n\r\nThanks Lark for being there for all of us. We're here for you too


I have shared with many fellow caregiving travelers my view that we are all the same and we are all different; the same in that we alone are the ones who keep getting up every day and doing it again, in spite of deep lows and bright incredible revelations (I sure had my share), we the caregivers who just don't give up, whatever that means, all the same. But all different because I can't compare my journey to yours, or where you come from in dealing with it. It's all just TODAY, get up, we're here for you, we support you, we love you as you are.


Lark, thank you for sharing the emotions that we feel. It is human nature to feel the sorrow. None of us would choose this journey four our loved ones or for ourselves. But, none of us would not be here by choice, caring, loving, hoping, working, stressing, crying, laughing, growing...experiencing this incredible journey that is life. Thank you for the vivid reminder that we are human...we will feel sorrow and that we can overcome. Thank you also for the powerful message about the importance of sharing our needs with the caring people here who get it and to let them carry the emotions for us when we are vulnerable...just as we willingly and lovingly carry it for others when they are vulnerable. ..Love you and thank you for your courage and for being who you are.


Oh Lark....I admire your willingness to be vulnerable with sharing your feelings. You tell it like it is and dont camouflage whats going on. You feel what you feel and nothing wrong wth that. Pity parties are ok to have...(how else do we get to party when we are housebound caring for our souse? When the \"pity party\" starts to feel like a \"pity pot\", you will come out and smell the roses.....luv u friend...hugs!