Patterns

Lisa

Patterns

Lisa
bokeh-21951_640(1)When I think of patterns, I like to think of the normal things we think of. Quilt patterns, dress patterns, craft patterns. Constructive things. Also, things that you can use to bring enjoyment to you.

Lately I've had some different patterns, so to speak, occurring in my life. Dad's health is declining. Some days he's strong enough to get up, some days not. Some days I get him up but then I can't get him back to bed. Some days he eats well, some days he doesn't. Patterns in a different way.

My health is seeming to break down somewhat as well. Now that allergy season has kicked in, it's doing a number on my head. Literally. Stuffy nose and clogged ears do NOT make for a happy caregiver. Hard for communication, too, not to mention headaches. Back and shoulder pain from lifting, and zero energy level. Patterns, again negative.

It seems like I've lost my focus, I've dropped behind this week in classwork for my college classes, I think about catching up but something else happens. Patterns. I don't like this type of patterns.

I'm looking forward to days I feel better, days I have more strength, and days Dad feels better. I also worry that the patterns with him could be the beginning of a serious decline. I worry so much. I pray a lot, I have friends praying, but when it's only me and my daughter (who works full time and then comes home to deal with this), I feel so isolated, so depressed and alone.

I know I should be on the site more, to be in better communication with other caregivers. I know what all I need to do, I just can't seem to do it.

I feel like I'm breaking down as well. Physically, emotionally in all ways, I feel broken and crumpled. But I have to look strong and have a very good poker face so Dad won't see how worried I actually am. I was blogging the other day and lost my post. It upset me so bad that this is the first time I tried again.

Any advice on these things I've mentioned would be welcomed from my fellow caregivers. Because you understand. You've been there, or you could be in the same place I am. I really hope you're not though.

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Lisa

Thank you so much. I'm already using claritin/flonase combo so hopefully relief will come soon. My idea now is to prioritize what I need to do in between caregiving. Tonight I'll be reading a chapter in my Business class book, and taking care of some household chores. Trying desperately to get my focus back. It feels so good to know I'm not the only one who's going through the same thing.

Hansolosgirl

Long term cargiving is so stressful. I hear you on the routines and what you begin to notice and see in those patterns. Sadly, you know best and before everyone else, but this can just be a down time SIL had many of those in the near 4 years we had her. Allergy season is the pits. It used to be debilitating until I got a pool again but those salt water netty pots and baths do wonders...I don't suffer nearly as bad. It wasn't til I was telling my MIL I'd never had allergies as a kid, but when I grew up they were horrible. She said because I'd always swim all summer and I didn't any more. Taught me to rinse all through my nose and it was better....but swimming near kills it. I didn't belive Her at all but found out it was true. Also the combo of Claiton /Flonase made me have a life again, even generic but Flonase is better. \r\nI too fell behind at school, even dropped one class. She passed at a critical time...but that's okay. It sucks but caregiving is more important! BREATHE. KNOW YOU MUST ROLL WITH IT! Of course you pray and do the things you must, but this is not your choice, your decision. This is in Gods hands. Your not in a battle, you are tending to what needs to be done. This is not something won or lost, it just is and all we can do is make the little things count. Take care of yourself, your daughter needs you too. You can't take care of anyone if you don't take care of you. Over a year ago I was having excruciating side pain and sick all the time, failed some classes, couldn't do anything but lay down. It ended up being some gastro stuff with kidney infections and other stuff that snowballed not helped by stress. Take care of you!

Lisa

Thank you Lillie. I'm sorry to hear about your Aunt.

Lillie Fuller

Keeping you in prayer!

Lisa

Ellysgdaughter, thank you for your sweet comment! Long term caregiving is much harder than anyone anticipates I believe. We've had a good day today. Praying for better tomorrows for you as well my friend.

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