Pay Attention

Lark

Pay Attention

Lark
Time flies except when it doesn't. Time in the world of a caregiver is often irrelevant. Days flow into weeks and weeks flow into months. I lose track of when symptoms began or when they ended or who we saw and on what date. Every day is a Saturday. It is an old habit from work. Saturday was a day off and I was home. I am home most of the time now. My mind calls all days Saturday.This creates the curious feeling of being a visitor in the coastal town where we live. I go out for groceries or church or almost anywhere here and I am out of step with the general culture of the working folks and more in step with the visitors. They are on holiday. I may not be on holiday but my frame of reference is from a holiday mindset. Every day is a week-end day.

It is amazing how small the world can become as the caregiving process continues. I am not sure how this is changing me but I do know that I am changing. I do not have the points of reference I had with the community at large. I don't hear the ongoing stories of friends at AA or at church. I move in and out like an outlier showing up for supplies and a brief conversation with one or two people. It is amazing how comfortable I feel in this isolation.

In the past month my husband's health has been playing havoc with his body. It is his mind. The doctors cannot find an actual cause for the variety of symptoms that are coming and going. This is the slow progression that could be the fast progression. This disease affects the brain cells, shrinks areas of the brain that tell the body what to do or not to do. No one has an idea how long it will be before a vital function is cut off from brain central. Currently we are experiencing forays of symptoms much like guerilla warfare.

Symptoms rush in and then out again. His blood pressure is going up and down. The other part of this awful disease is that he is less and less able to identify his symptoms accurately. The immutable truth is that there are no cures. Hopefully we can treat symptoms to provide comfort. Hopefully he will be spared a long, lingering process. Hopefully I will be spared that also. But I am ready to stay the course and my husband is proving to be a brave man facing daily difficulties without complaint. I am learning from him.

Pay attention. We never know when we may be in the presence of people who unexpectedly become part of our learning. I am beginning to understand that precious life and wisdom dwells in every situation as in every soul. Like snowflakes no two of us are the same. There is always a teaching to be found. Pay attention.