Progression

Il
Gogyohka-Miss "Gogyohka-Miss" by ejouneys.


@renea_p please stop coming into my house and telling my stories. :) And @ejourneys thank you for letting me use your image to convey my emotions!

Last night I was sitting on Mom's bed that had "interesting" stains on the covers to which Mom said, "Yes, they're dirty I'll let (health care worker) do them." Dad then busted his hiney to clean the bed. Then I sat on the clean covers to which Mom said, "Oh I just don't get them dirty."

I then did my own laundry, which sounds simple but it's (door slam). I go check on my wash. I can't see Mom turned out the lights; bumped my foot--ouch! Turned off living room light--okay, that'll help. Door slam. Lights out again. I can't see! I'm blind... Okay, got the garage door light on; now I can see. Watched something stupid on TV.  Nope, that didn't work either. Light out. Found light switch. Finally found the washing machine. This took about hour and a half to wash my bed sheets with all the lights on and off .

I'll be frustrated about money and Mom will say, "Okay, I'll talk to Dad." And as a human I actually believe she'll remember. She used to do the accounts in our house. One minute she'll say, "I'm so dependent on your father." The next moment (literally) she'll say she will give me $5 or "We're not that broke." (They are having financial troubles.)

I can drive.

No, you can't.

Why?

I don't need to wear underwear to bed.

Well, you might want to put some on.

I didn't get the bed wet.

Dad: YES. YOU. DID.

Dad, please don't yell at Mom, it doesn't help.

Come help with dinner! NOW.

I thought I was here to 'find myself.' ( Internally: I can't! find myself, I can barely breathe! and I'm Compound Caregiving Compassion Fatiguing.)

Keep me company, Il (internal: Uh uh. I need a break ).

Mom crying. (Internal heart string jerks).

I'm going to the fireworks, Mom.

Can I come?

Uh, well, let's take your car (Internal: That's my car and I don't want to have pee all over the upholstery.)

Lunch time. "Il, come here! I want company!" (Internal: Irritation. God Forbid).

I keep typing my blog; it's in my schedule.

Ahhhh Mom's okay.

Nope.

"Is anybody gonna come in here." (statement).

I miss Mom. I see her reflection. I miss myself and I found myself in "her".

Always,

il

Artist Roger Dean designed much of the band's album artwork, as pictured on Close to the Edge. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Join our mailing list

Sign up to receive our monthly newsletter that includes caregiving tips, news, support and more.