Push My Buttons

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Push My Buttons

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flowers-260897_640Have you ever noticed how your buttons get pushed when you are most vulnerable?

You know you are really tired, really busy, really concerned and that is the moment when someone tries to heap more stress onto your load. Sitting here now with a twitchy eye trying to calm down. I will try to keep it brief!

Suffice it to say Dysfunctional Family + Family Wedding = Nightmare. My mom's biggest worry when she went in the nursing home almost five months ago was would they let her out for her granddaughter's wedding in April. "Of course they will and I will make sure you get to the wedding," I said.

So all these family members who were nowhere to be found while I was caring for mom in my home are all of a sudden desperate to make sure that I will be responsible for getting her there. I am buying shower gifts and offering to take my mom to the bridal showers (she said no she will just attend the actual wedding), planning to take her shopping for new clothes this weekend, worrying about transferring her in and out of her wheelchair and into my car, attending the annual cancer survivors' banquet the night before the wedding with my husband, driving to get my mom and then a long drive to wedding and back to my house for the night before taking her back to nursing home the day after.

Of course the parents of the bride live 10 minutes from the nursing home but have not offered to do ANYTHING. My husband announced a long time ago that he would not attend the wedding because he can't be around my family who is pretending to like each other for the occasion. I spent this weekend camping at a charity BBQ cook-off with my husband and his family. The mother of the bride starts texting me yesterday; she also calls my house during the day even though I told my brother multiple times that I went back to work in November. She wants to find out how my mom is getting to the wedding. She also wants to know why I do not have time to chat about the wedding with her on the phone. She has not called or seen my mom since Christmas.

So today I gave her Mom's cell phone number and told her to call my mom and she can answer all of her questions. I also texted the bride and let her know that I am bringing her grandmother to the wedding. I also passed along my mom's number and let her know her grandmother has been under the weather this week. She said she would give her a call.

Sorry to be so negative but they are wearing me out emotionally. Now my mom is soliciting offers from the social worker at the home to drive her to the wedding. I guess she does not have faith in me anymore. She knows I am aggravated with all of my siblings.

It is just all so sad when it should be happy. I am going to plaster a smile on my face and get it all done.

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Denise

Oh, Bootsie, I'm so sorry! You are right--this should be a happy occasion but all the dysfunction just makes it messy. I remind myself regularly that you have to give to receive. It would be nice if your family could remind themselves, too. \r\n\r\nPlease let us know how you're doing and what you work out.

Jean

Reading your post brought memories of the dysfunctional family that I married into (but divorced). Just thinking about some of the convoluted situations ... they used to make me doubt my own sanity! \r\n\r\nI like your tactic of texting and putting responsibility back on them. Feel for you!

Hansolosgirl

Ooooooh yeah! Been there with SIL family alright. Pretend to care, pretend to be there and nowhere to be seen. My family is WAY more there for her than any of them! I hope you and your mom can have a good day despite everyone's insensitivity. People can be so blind and only care about directly affects them. Lol, I'd be tempted to say \" you want grandma at the wedding? YOU figure it out!\" But I know I wouldnt....I'd just go along and plaster a stupid smile on my face and pretend it's all fine. You know though, you don't HAVE to, you can say no. Maybe just knowing you don't HAVE to but choose to will make a difference, and next time something comes up, they can handle it!