Round 2

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Round 2

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christmas-present-596300_640Last month on my mom's birthday, November 29th, my sister came and transported Mom and I to see my brother who lives about 40 minutes away. When my sister got here, my mom's wheelchair wouldn't fit in her trunk because she drives a hybrid. We made due with taking the walker, which barely fit. I got Mom in and out of the car okay but it was just awkward not having the wheelchair. My sister wasn't much help that day -- she just sort of stood and watched.

Yesterday my same sister came to transport us to see my brother again. She thought it would be easier if she brought my niece's car which is a little SUV. I had a heck of a time getting my mom in the vehicle. I had to actually pick her up and put her in the car. Almost dropping her, I "yelled" at my sister to go on the other side and pull or hold Mom up so I could lift her. She looked at me like I was asking her to dig for gold. Finally she went to the other side and held on to my mom's jacket while I lifted Mom's legs up and into the car. My mom's leg was hurt in the process. I got Mom settled, buckled her up and my sister just stayed in the driver's seat.  I still had to fold up the wheelchair and put it in the back, and yes, it fit. It was raining cats and dogs, Mom's sweats were soaked but she was bundled up and was layered.

When we got to brother's house I removed the wheelchair from the back, set it up put it next to the car door so when I took mom out it would be there. All the while, sister is standing there just watching. I put my arms around mom's middle and lifted her out of the vehicle and into the wheelchair. My sister's commented, "I could never do that". Wow.  Then she said, "You got that down pat." Well, yeah, I've been doing it awhile is what I was thinking. I took presents to my great niece and nephews so I had to grab those and push Mom in the house, never with even an utter of maybe helping from anyone.

We visited for awhile and Mom needed to use the restroom. I wheeled my mom into my brother's very narrow restroom, I had to pick up the rugs that were on the floor and being on the front side of the wheelchair I couldn't close the door. So, skinny as I am, I was able to just shimmy right around the wheelchair to shut the door. My mom and I were laughing so hard because I was trying to squeeze my fat arse between the wheelchair and the wall. I'm glad my mom has a sense of humor. Once I got her on the very low to the floor pot she told me she wanted to sit there a few minutes because she was tired and she needed to rest up for the trip back in the wheelchair -- not the trip back home, just to the wheelchair.

I went back in the living room with my siblings and my brother was telling sister what he expects from UCSF and all that.  I sort of felt like I was intruding but I listened carefully so I could be sure and tell my mom exactly what is happening.

I got mom back in the chair and back in the living room. We stayed for another hour or so, the four of us, just mom and her children, and had a very nice talk. It was wonderful just the four of us, sharing, no kids, no significant others, just us. We talked about childhood memories and I'm thinking that one day, yesterday will be very special to all of us.

No need for more details, you got the picture, so as we were leaving, I got my mom back in the car and we headed for home. There was a very nasty accident on the road so traffic was backed up pretty good, it was raining and we were all quiet, UNTIL, my sister start telling my mom that it was time for her and her husband to move his mother in their house. I was in the back seat but I felt my mom's attitude change, her mood went down the toilet so to speak. She stopped listening. It was awkward but I think my sister heard her loud and clear. She can't come visit my mom but she can move her mother-in-law in the house and take care of her.

When we got to the house my mom told my sister we could make it in the house okay and she didn't need to come in.

When we came in I helped mom in the restroom because her leg is hurting, she can hardly put pressure on it. After she was done. she said, take me in my room,  I want to lay down. She is still there.  She has diarrhea, her throat is sore, she's coughing, her knee hurts and she is sad.

It was all too much for her. I can understand why she doesn't like to go places and why she is so comfortable going in the transport van. Her decline is so obvious when she is not at home in her safe place.

I'm just venting.

Merry Christmas to all!

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TiredButDetermined

Oh Lillie, your Mom is so lucky to have you! And I suspect your sister will soon figure that out as well when she has her hands full, and begins to get a glimpse of what you have been shouldering. I hope your Mom is able to look past the disappointment of the ride home and remember the enjoyable time spent with you and your siblings earlier in the day. Hang in there, it's obvious she appreciates you!

Anthony Zullo

I'm so sorry Lillie ...I know what you went through and how you mom probably felt. I bet your mom glad to see her son though. You did the best you could and what your mom wanted .\r\nFeel good about what you did.

Denise

Oh, gosh, Lillie, you had a physically and emotionally exhausting day. You do so much--I'm so sorry others can't just pitch in. \r\n\r\nI really related to your insight about how tough it is for your mom to manage outside the house. We set up the house so our caree is safe and comfortable. We lose that out in the word. :( It's why we worry so much when they're out of the house. \r\n\r\nHow is your mom feeling today?

Sharon

Lillie, you did something wonderful for your Mom. Your sister will have to live with her own choices. I am so glad you laughed, you know how much laughter means to me :) Here is a little something to laugh about in the future. If your sister \"could never do that\" she has a rude awakening when MIL moves in. Keep that little picture in your mind. When needed, bring that up and smile and think \"you've got that down pat\".\r\n\r\nYou and your Mom share a love that your sister will never know, cherish every minute of it, even the hard ones. Love you Lillie, you are a special person.

Hussy

<a href=\"http://www.caregiving.com/members/lillie/\" rel=\"nofollow\">@Lillie</a> there never was a more loving and devoted daughter. I love that you and your mom shared a laugh in the bathroom. But it was so sad to read about Virginia's reaction to your sister's insensitive comment. I'm glad she's back home in her safe place and I hope she feels better today.

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