She's Not Dead


She's Not Dead

daisy-75191_640(1)My mom has a cognitive impairment and is in a wheelchair. She also is a warm-blooded human being.

Is she confused? Yes. Does she forget who people are? Yes. Does she forget where she is? Yes.

But she is still a sweet, smiley person. She still wants to sit and chat over coffee. She still wants to go have lunch. She still wants to go. And more often than not, she will recognize your voice and who you are.

But people laugh at her and discount her. They are less than respectful of the person who helped them with church activities or who changed their diapers or watched their children so they could have free time!

I can barely tolerate how her children talk around her as if she isn't there. These are her twilight years, they tell me. And I say, So?

They expect that she should go into a skilled facility; they will send her flowers on holidays and birthdays. Why does this disgust me so?

Today, my saintly cousin is coming to take her to church! What a gem! My mom still has value to someone besides me. If my sister says one more time, "I still don't think she knows who I am half the time," I will scream! So what if sometimes she does not know who you are? Remind her of who you are. Take a walk down memory lane with a photo album! Spend some time with her anyway.

The worst way to spend your life is as if everyone wants you to be dead already. How would anyone want to live like that? But that is how they treat her. My brother once commented that my dad had it good in that, from diagnosis to death, he passed in a month without lingering. The difference was that we knew he had a fatal diagnosis and his children and grandchildren helped him live the most in that time. They were always around.

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Hi Jenn--Your heart must break for your mom and for yourself. I'm so sorry that your siblings struggle so with how to relate to your mom. I hope they can learn from you and realize how much they have to give to your mom. In that giving, they will receive. :)




Good advice, thank you!