Sibling Strikes Again

Denise

Sibling Strikes Again

Denise
christmas-1046068_640I have many complaints about Sibling. The loudest one involves her inability to follow through on her offers to help. For instance, during our 2011 blizzard, she volunteered to shovel our parents' driveway and then simply didn't. When she orchestrated my mom's transfer from the community hospital to the university hospital, my biggest concern was her initial involvement and then disappearing. And, that's just what happened.

Earlier this week, my mom asked me to bring their fake Christmas tree to their apartment; Sibling said she and one of her daughters would assemble the tree for them.

So, I pulled the tree box out of storage, down a few flights of stairs, into the car and to my parents' apartment on Friday.

On Saturday, I spoke with my mom, who shared an update with me. My mom emailed Sibling that they have the tree and that my dad needs her to bring a pliers and screwdriver to put it together. Sibling replied that she didn't know what kind of pliers and screwdriver to bring so she'll just ask her husband to put together the tree.

In other words, my dad and I will put up the tree.

Sibling, who can't bother to actually help but loves to stir the pot, also shared another little ditty. Apparently, Sibling knows an employee of the retirement community where my parents live. This employee asked my sister why she hadn't been invited to the community's Thanksgiving brunch, held the Sunday before Thanksgiving. My parents had invited those who helped them move--myself, my sister and her family, and one of my brothers and his wife.

So, Sibling wanted my parents to know she wasn't invited.

Sibling spent my parents' moving day enjoying a great day riding her bike and enjoying a day in Chicago. She was invited to my dad's birthday party and my parents' anniversary party but simply didn't show up.

After receiving that email from Sibling, my parents fretted about how to respond. They fear upsetting Sibling because she retaliates by encouraging her children to stay away. My mom finally replied with a simple explanation: They didn't invite my other brother, either, because it would have been too many people.

I'm focusing on getting through the holidays because I want my parents to have some joy this holiday season. I've made some headway with Sibling's children, who agreed to join me to decorate Christmas cookies later this month. On Thanksgiving, I had a pleasant conversation with my oldest niece, who had turned down my invitation to get together because she didn't feel comfortable spending one-on-one time with me.

After the holidays, though, I'm setting boundaries with Sibling. I'm no longer standing by as she upsets my parents for no reason other than she's just sick. Enough's enough. My mother has long requested that we let it go when it comes to Sibling. I can no longer do that. My parents have room in their lives for the four children who care and love them. They are sick and frail--they don't deserve the heartache Sibling causes.

In the meantime, though, I'm speaking with the staff member at the retirement community who spoke out of her turn about our Thanksgiving brunch. She's not to speak about my parents' activities with Sibling again.

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EllysGdaughter

Great Choice in protection Denise! Boundaries bring security and you are so right!! Your parents don't deserve the disappointment from The Sibling! AND Neither do YOU!!

Denise

Thank you all so much for your kindness! \r\n\r\nMy brother-in-law did set up the tree. Sibling said she and my niece will hang ornaments. We'll see.\r\n\r\nI feel good about setting boundaries after the holiday. Sibling has held all the power and that's just not right.

beth12345

I feel your frustration Denise as my sister turned a blind eye to my parents as well. Sadly it got no better and now its 1 year since my Mothers passing. I still dont talk to my sister and the only time we communicated was at the funeral and when we went to the bank to divide the inheretence. She has tried 3 times to contact me to \"do lunch\" and has sent pictures of my nieces child, which I did not look at. I can not and will not have a relationship with her. I dont want to be hurt again like she hurt us when we needed her. She is the only family member I have left (besides cousins) but I would rather confront the fact that its only me, myself and I that I have left than get hurt again. This chat helped me VERY MUCH, as I cared for my Mom and I want to Thank ALL of you that helped me threw. Caring for your Parents was the hardest thing I have ever done but in the end it is rewarding as you will know you did all you could to comfort them when they needed it most. HANG IN THERE ALL OF YOU, and vent on this blog as it will help you threw the hardest time to be in contact with people going threw the same situation as you are. Happy Holidays to you all and THANK YOU ALL again for being there for me when I had no one else to talk too. My Love and Prayers go out to you all.

Hussy

<a href='http://www.caregiving.com/members/denise/' rel=\"nofollow\">@denise</a>, when I saw the title of your post, I thought \"Ok, what episode of Sibling Behaving Badly are we in for this time?\" I'm all for setting boundaries. Never been a big fan of \"just let it go\" to begin with. And that employee needs to zip it, period.

anita0419

Oh Denise, you have my sympathy. I have commented before about my sister doing the same things. Making promises only knowing they won't keep them. They just never think of anybody but themselves and what they want to do. I'll keep you in my prayers. \r\n\r\nAnita

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