"Struggling with confusion, disillusionment to0

Can turn a man into a shadow, crying out from pain....."*

i wander over the past year wistfully

trying to understand

no answers come...

we've gone through so much

my ambivalence seems to be solving itself

as i take care of you and i take care of me

i still wake up depressed but not as bad

the waves of anxiety seem to be lessening

the multitude of things to be done hasn't changed

but my metronome is set to 4/4 timing

except when I erupt in frustration at some new roadblock

then comes the anger and guilt

i want to fully understand your suffering

and i want to also know truly what you are able to do

i'm confused and " hands are torn and bloody from the scratching at "*

there've been days when i could not go on

i fear they can return

some days i wonder if i will become homeless

but then i think of you lying in that bed

not knowing what's to come and i feel selfish

 i guess this is the work the Lord has meant for me to do

until i can't do it n'more

so i'll make the best of it

my best won't be perfect

i pray He will settle my feet on a rock

and steady my steps

that He puts a new song in my mouth

a song of praise to our God

come quickly Lord

[our} helper and savior**

                             -rsr-  @rainbow

     *  "Stranger to Himself"

                   lyrics

        Capaldi/Winwood

From:  John Barley Corn Must Die

      **Psalm 40

The Jerusalem Bible

Doubleday  New York

            1968